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Went to bed very early last night.. I was totally exhausted.. and I have to go to work soon.. bleh..

After sleeping, I don't know if I really do want to make music.. but it still seems kinda fun. I want to make my own music, AND DJ.. o__o;;

I dunno. I might just make it a hobby first, maybe do a few local places, before I decided to make a career out of it..

I've always wanted to find a way to put my overactive imagination to use, too.. but meh. -__-; Writing gets so boring so quickly... if they ever make a device where I can hook up my brain, and spit out the entire storyline, into an anime-esque thingy.. or make a movie, or something... then I so will..

Right now, I think I'm just going to keep working minimum wage jobs until I find something that suits me.. Still though, music sounds the most fun.. I'm always listening to electronica, and techno.. electronica is amazing..

I dunno.

It kinda sucks too.. but I've started forcing myself to plan my future without Chloe, because she's planning hers without me, and so I have to do the same. I can't force myself on her. Plans always change though.. but for now.. I'm planning on, when she moves to San Francisco, if I don't go with her.. and I like where I'm living in missouri, then I'll stay there for a lil while.

If not though... I don't know where I'll move. I want to move somewhere.. different... I just don't know about any place. Sadly, I'd probably move to Cali just because I could.. but then I'd need to find a roomie.. and I'd much rather live alone.. so I could move to a smaller part of Cali, live somewhere cheaper...

It's so painful planning my future without love in mind.. I don't think I can do it. She can.. but I'm different. I need to stop trying to turn myself into a clone of her; I only do it because I want to be on equal footing with her, I don't want to swarm her, and all that... but, that's not why she likes me..

So I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing. Plans always change, nothing ever works out like it should anyways. Doesn't have to mean that it works out BAD... just means that it works out differently than we thought it would.

Hmm.. I just don't like early mornings. Nothing good can ever come from waking up this early..

I mean, really.. Every time I wake up this early, I'm in a semi-blah mood.. It's the loneliness.

It crushes me to have to admit this, but I wont be able to live alone. If I'm forced to, I'll struggle through it, until I find a girl to move in with me. (I refuse to move in with a guy.) Soooo.. yeah..

I'll have to find a female roomie.. doesn't matter if she loves me or not, I just want it to be a female friend. Also, no boyfriends can live in the apt with me... I hate guys, kinda. I don't want to live with them. Ever. Girls are okay though.. it's just.. more positive vibes.

Funny.. I'm learning more and more of what I want, the older I get.. I want to live with someone, wether I love them or not, because I want the company of a female.. I don't ever want to live with a guy.. heh..