(Oh by the way Mary's 3 now... they grow so fast, ne?)
Dear Gaia People Reading This,
I've done alot of thinking of the past months I've spent on gaia, which were basically all before the summer and around Christmas time. I had a fall out with Jacob and since then it's become almost this back and forth issue of why nots and how comes. It got really annoying to the point where I stopped trying to find a reason and just ignored it and subsequently him. Now I figured out a big reason why it wasn't working, why I didn't want to work and why I still today refuse to try. Maybe it's a little selfish but this is how it goes.
When I first came to gaia I was the biggest uke. But as time went one I repressed my natural being to try to be good for everyone else, to kind of fit in with the people I liked. There was koneko who liked to be uke alot of the times which was the first time I had really dabbled in being the seme of the relationship. It got more used to the idea of it and so when I met people with the inclination (like kyle) to being either or it didn't bother me hardly at all. But I noticed about a month ago how much being a seme the majority of the time was stressing me. Me being a submissive I crave having someone take care of me, cater to my wants, to hug and cuddle and listen when I wanted to talk. I didn't like doing all those things and not being the uke anymore. Im used to having friends that were uke's though most were seme's because they made me feel safe, watched over. So I didnt have a problem getting along with, comforting and showing my love but never for so long all the time.
So yeah now that I'm back with a seme. (Technically the only one wearing the skirt now, hehe) It feels so wonderful to be comforted and love and catered to without asking or having to work so hard against my self to keep others happy. Being a submissive I craved having a dominant, not dominating razz basically that's the lesson of the story.
Its late so everything didn't come out the way I wanted it to, but that's oky <3
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