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ok took allergy medicine last night so im hxc tired

WELL

******** whatever masculinity and spine i pretended i have.. im coming clean

ok. soo i sometimes talked about being with other girls.. well i did think about it somewhat but in the end i hated the thought of being with anyone who wasnt chloe, i love her too much and yeah im a ******** gay p***y who's hung up on one girl and blahblahblah

I KEEP ACTING LIKE IM SO LAID BACK and i'm so cool, but the truth is i want her so bad it hurts, she's my life and she's all i want in the world, if she's happy im happy, i hate it when she's upset, and yeah i'm just whipped, i'd do anything for her, she's the one for me

i keep trying to pretend i'm independent, lie to myself and say i could have other girls ,pretend that i didn't get ******** LUCKY, and found a girl who likes me for me.. i know i wont ever get that opportunity again..

also i keep feeling bad about this.. so i'm coming clean, since what ever no one will respect me after this anyways...

MEL WASNT REAL... she was actually just a series of dreams i kept having.. they were very real dreams, i could physically feel some things (unfortunately) but they were so real i confused them for reality.. (i'd come to my room and lay down on my bed, then wake up at the same time as the dream ended, so it confused the hell ou of me) but i figured out they were fake after a while.. i was just too embarassed to admit it. also, i kept lying to myself and told myself they may be real, just so i could boost my confidence....

i know if chloe reads that she'll probably stop trusting me or w/e.. but eh, its been eating at me.. it was stupid to talk about something iwasnt sure about and blahblahblah... = =.................. ugh im so tired...

but yeah, im completely clean now, i have no secrets from anyone whatsoever , now everyone gets to see what a pathetic sniveling wimp i am.....

any shred of masculinity i was trying to pretend ihad just went out the window, yay for me

and no i could never have sex with a random girl, the thought makes me sick, physically. i get pains in my gut when i try to think about having sex with another girl. chloe's the only one i can hae sex fantasies about, so i dont een bother. chloe's the one, idc if it doesn't work out in the future because that'll just mean i ge to be alone and sexless forever, it's w/e, but if i get her then that'll be the best thing in my life and blah = =