|
|
|
Chapter One
I can’t help but stare at them from across the room as the happy couple lean in for a passionate kiss. They appear to be so happy; an emotion I’ve yet to experience in my own life.
“Jenna, what are you staring at?” The sound of my best friend’s voice snaps me back into reality. I quickly avert my eyes, an embarrassed flush spreading across my face.
“N...nothing.” I stutter.
Alicia raises her eyebrows slightly and turns her head in the direction on the happy couple who just so happen to be my ex-boyfriend and his new girl. She chuckles, nudging me with her elbow. “Look at those two. You’d think they’d have the decency to get a room.”
“Yeah.” I mutter, unable to come up with anything better to say.
Sighing, Alicia leans back on the couch. “So, any plans for this weekend?”
I shake my head. “Not really. I thought I’d use the time to study for exams.”
Alicia lets out an exasperated sigh. “Jenna, that’s all you ever do! You’re 19 years old. It’s time to stop living in those books and to embrace reality!:
I know she means well but, at the moment, I’m not in the mood to be consoled. “Well, I tried that once and look what happened.”
Alicia got a serious look on her face. “You can’t let one bad experience ruin your life, Jenna. Rick was a p***k, anyway. You can do so much better.”
This time, it’s my turn to sigh. “I know you think I’m pathetic but I can’t help it. I still love him.”
Alicia takes my hand sympathetically. “You’re not pathetic.” Suddenly, a suspicious gleam lights up in her eyes. “Tell you what. My friend Robert is having a party this weekend. You should come.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “He’s single.”
I glare at her. “No thank you. I’ve better things to do with my time than watch you get wasted.” I stand up to leave but Alicia grabs my hand and pulls me back down on the couch.
“Trust me. There won’t be any alcohol at this party. Robert is like you…a Christian.”
I look over at her, suspicion written all over my face. “Then why are going?”
She laughed. “I wasn’t planning on it. But, if you want to go, then you can count me in.”
I smile, finally letting down my guard. “Fine. But..” I hold up one finger. “If things get out of hand, I will leave.”
Alicia laughs, tossing her jet-black hair over her shoulder. “Okay, okay.” She gets up to leave. “I’ll pick you up at 8:00?”
I nod. “8:00 is fine.”
Four hours and a ton of work later, I find myself standing in front of my mirror, carefully studying my reflection. I’d traded in my usual sweater and jeans for a tight-fitting black dress, courtesy of my roommate. My sandy blonde hair, which I usually keep pulled into a tight bun, hangs loosely at my shoulders. My green eyes are lined with black eyeliner and the lids are painted with light pink eye shadow.
“Jenna, ready to go?” Alicia bursts into my room, dressed in a really tight, really short, red dress. She eyes me perceptively and smiles in approval. “You clean up good!”
I shoot her a dark look, not liking her tone. “Thanks, I think.” I motion to her outfit. “Nice dress.”
She strikes a pose. “You like? Well, I’m hoping the guys will to.”
I roll my eyes. “I thought you were only going for emotional support?”
She bats her eyelashes playfully. “So? That doesn’t mean that I can’t have any fun!”
I can’t help but laugh as I shake my head. “You’re incorrigible.”
“And don’t you love me for it?!” She declares, grabbing my hand. “Come on…we’re going to be late!”
I let myself be led to her silver Lexus and then slid into the passenger seat. Alicia got in the driver’s side and started the car, pulling out of the college campus parking lot.
As Alicia was driving, I let my mind wander. In all honesty, I didn’t feel up to partying but I didn’t have anything else to do. Alicia had been my friend since high school; although we’d belonged to different social classes we had a lot in common so we just naturally became friends. Alicia was always the preppy, cheerleading type…the kind of girl that always had a boyfriend. I, on the other hand, didn’t belong to any social class. I was all of the map. I was pretty but not drop-dead gorgeous; I was smart but not a genius. I was only mildly athletic but I didn’t mind playing sports. There was only thing that I never had an interest in doing and that was cheerleading.
“Hey girl, want some?” I turn my head, pulled out of my memories by Alicia’s voice.
“Don’t drink that!” I scold, watching as Alicia lifts a bottle of Jack Daniel to her lips and take a bit swallow.
She rolls her eyes. “Oh come on, girl. We’re going to a party…not church.”
“You’re not supposed to…ALICIA! LOOK OUT!” I scream but it’s too late. My body jerks to the side as the truck slams into the side of Alicia’s car. I hear the sound of groaning metal and glass breaking. I try to cover my head but by now, the car is rolling. My head slams into the windshield and everything goes black.
“Miss? Miss, are you alright?” I hear someone say to me.
“W…where am I?” I managed to whisper, feeling a sharp and agonizing pain in my abdomen.
“You’ve been in an accident. I’ve called the police.”
I open my eyes slowly but, at first, my vision is blurred. The only thing I can make out is the outline of an upside down car a few feet away. I jerk to a sitting position. I feel a hand at my shoulder but I brush it away.
“ALICIA!” I scream, trying to stand up. My knees buckle underneath me and I fall back to the pavement.
“Miss, please. There was nothing I could do. She was already gone.” The man explains but I’m not listening. I try once again to get to my feet and, this time, I succeed.
“ALICIA!” I scream again, stumbling over to the wrecked car. I kneel beside it and stare in through the shattered windshield at the mangled body of my best friend. I can tell just by looking that she is dead but that doesn’t me from crawling through the shards of broken glass and unbuckling the seat belt. I grab her by the arms and, painfully, pull her from the wreck.
“Alicia?” I whisper, staring down into her open, lifeless eyes. My body starts to shake and I realize that I am going into shock. “NO!!” I scream, wrapping my arms around her body and pulling her close. “Please, god! NOT HER!” Sobs wrack my body and I feel someone trying to pull me away but I refuse to be budged.
I hear sirens in the distance, getting closer but still I refuse to move. I will not be separated from her…not now, not ever!
Chapter Two
The sky is an ominous gray as people clad in black trudge around the house, each one trying to look more upset than the others.
I stare at my full glass of water and sigh. Not half of these people knew Alicia the way I did. I was the one who carried her secrets; the one person she could come to if she needed help. This is why I hated funerals…everyone pretended to be upset or angry when the truth was most of them didn’t even know the person who’d died well enough to feel these emotions. Alicia deserved better than for all these posers to be in her house, pretending to give a damn.
“Jenna?” I turn and see Alicia’s brother Paul standing a few feet away. His face is very pale except for the dark circles that underline his weary eyes.
I fake a smile. “Hey, Paul.”
His shifts nervously. “I know you and Alicia were close. .She talked about you constantly. I almost feel like I know you.”
Tears form in my eyes. “Thanks. That means a lot to me. H…how are you doing?”
He looks down. “I’m doing alright. Mom’s taking it pretty hard…harder than everyone else probably.”
I look passed him and I see his mother standing by the window, staring out it. Her face was about the same color as Paul’s except her eyes weren’t just weary…they looked blank.
“I think she half-expects Alicia to walk through the door, laughing like she always does, and announce that the whole thing was just some cruel joke.” Paul laughs sharply.
I feel sympathy for him. “If only it was…”
He looks at me again. “Did…did she die fast?” His face looked like it would crack if I said no but I couldn’t lie to him; he’d just lost his sister. He deserved to hear the truth.
I inhale a shaky breath. “I honestly don’t know. By the time I woke up, she was already…” I can’t bring myself to say that word. It’s as if saying it will finally make true.
Paul nods softly. “Yeah. I understand.” He turns to go. “I guess I’ll see you later.” Then he walks over to his mother, sliding an arm over her shoulders and leads her away from the crowd, up the stairs.
Needing some air, I walk outside through the back door. I don’t know exactly where I’m going but at this point, I don’t really care. I only know that I have to get away from here.
“Jenna! Wait up!” I hear a voice calling me but I don’t turn around. Suddenly, an arm grips me and whirls me around. I can’t help but to gasp. It’s Rick, my ex-boyfriend.
“Rick…what are you doing here? You didn’t even like Alicia..”
He smiles softly at me. “Now that‘s not a very nice thing to say. Sure we might not have got along all the time but I considered her a friend.” He pauses and looks at me harder, probably noticing the circles under my eyes or the tiny cuts from the glass. “How you’ve been you?” He finally asks.
I stare at him, incredulously. “How have I been? My best friend just died!” I snap. Turning and starting walking away but Rick stops me, grabbing my arm again.
“Rick, what do you want?”
He brushes a strand of hair from my face. “I want you. I realize now that breaking up with you was the worst mistake of my life.” He leans in for a kiss but the only thing he gets is a slap in the face. “What the hell, Jenna?! I thought you’d be happy?! I know you still have a thing for me.” He rubs his cheek where I’d slapped him.
I shake my head. “I can’t believe this. We’re at a funeral at you’re hitting on me?” I look at him in disgust. “Alicia was right about you. You’re nothing but a pig. I want nothing to do with you so just leave me the hell alone.”
I whirl around, stalking away from him. “You’re friend wasn‘t a saint, you know!” He screams after me. “She only wanted you out of the way so she could have me for herself!” This comment stops me dead in my tracks.
“You’re lying.” I hiss through my teeth.
“Believe that if you want to.” He folds his arms over his chest. “Did you know that Alicia has a heart shaped birthmark…you know, down there?”
My mouth practically drops to the ground. I did know about her birthmark. Alicia had shown it to me our last year of high school. The only way he’d have known that was if…? I shake my head, tears pouring down my face.
“NO!”
Rick laughs. “Yes. You’re friend was nothing more than a cheap slut. She’d do it with anyone for a little cash or some beer.”
I glare up at him, murder in my eyes. “Take that back!” I run at him. “Take it back!” I shove him as hard as I can in the chest.
“Why don’t you make me?” He grabs my arms and pulls me closer to him. “You know…it’s too bad she’s dead. She could’ve taught you a thing or two.”
Screaming in rage, I wrench out of his grasp and shove him again. “Shoving me isn’t going to bring your friend back!” He laughs, taunting me.
“I know…” I whisper, tears falling from my cheeks.
“Jenna…” He starts to say but his voice is drowned out my the loud honk of a tow truck. I look up in time to see the truck hit him, going about 55 miles an hour. I hadn’t realized it but I’d shoved him right into the road. I’d killed him.
The truck slams down on his brakes and, about 50 feet from where I’m standing in shock, the driver rushes from the truck and goes around the front of his truck. The only thing I can see is Rick’s hand surrounded by a pool of blood but this is enough for me. I fall to me knees and, somewhere in the background, I can hear a woman screaming.
Chapter Three
The window fogs up when my warm breath brushes over the cold glass. It’s been three months since Alicia and Rick’s death. That day Rick died changed my life forever…after that I got sent here because the judge ruled I was ‘mentally unstable.’
I walk away from the window, going to sit on my bed. It’s supposed to be recreation time but I’m not in the mood to be amongst the other crazies. I have an all-together different plan.
“Jenna…are you sure you won’t join the others?” I look up and smile at Nurse Robin, shaking my head.
“I’m fine…” I expect her to go away but instead she walks into the small room and sits down beside me.
“Listen…I know that Rick’s death wasn’t your fault and I don’t think you should blame yourself.”
“I don’t blame myself for his death.” I look up at her through my long bangs. “I blame myself for Alicia’s death.”
She smiled sympathetically. “You can’t honestly think that accident was your fault? You weren’t driving, Jenna.”
A tear slides down my face. “I know.” My voice cracks. “But if I’d only said no…maybe we wouldn’t have been on that road….she might still be alive.”
“From what you’ve told me about her, Alicia would’ve gone to that party, with or without you.”
I lose it then, breaking down completely. “I should’ve done something…I should’ve tried to save her.”
Nurse Robin takes me in her arms, crying a bit herself. “I read the autopsy report. According to the findings, she died instantly. There was nothing you or anyone else could’ve done.”
I grip her arms, sobbing into her pink shoulder. “I miss her so much!”
“I know. But do you think she’d want you to suffer this much because of her? You know what I think?” She holds me away from her, lifting my head and looking in my eyes. “I think she’d want you to be happy and to move on with your life.”
I smile nodding. “I will be happy. I will.”
She nods. “That’s good.” She gets up to leave but something makes her turn around. “Jenna…promise me you won’t do something you’ll regret.”
I only smile as I reach under my mattress and reveal the razor I’d stolen from one of the other patients. “Nothing drastic at all.”
Her eyes widen. “Doctor!” She screams but it’s too late. I jump off the bed and shove her out of the room, closing the door and locking it using the keys I’d stolen from her just minutes ago.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper as I turn from the door.
“Jenna…don’t do this! Please…” Nurse Robin pleads.
I ignore her, walking into the bathroom. I walk over the mirror and stare into in. Clutching the razor tightly in my hand, I hold in over my wrist and prepare to cut.
“Jenna…what are you doing?” I whirl around and, to my extreme horror, I see Alicia standing the doorway. She looks down at the razor, pity and sorrow in her eyes. “This isn’t the answer, Jenna.”
Tears flow down my face. “I can’t do it anymore, Alicia. I just can’t. I miss you.”
She walks over to me and strokes my face softly. “Please, don’t. I’m in a better place. I’m happy here.”
“I want to be with you.” I whisper.
“I know. But it’s not your time…not yet.”
I look down and see that my wrist is bleeding. I must have cut it when I turned to face Alicia. I hold the bleeding wrist out to her. “It’s already done.”
She shook her head. “Goodbye, Jenna.” She vanishes just as I hear my door being broken down. Nurse Robin, followed by two orderlies run into the bathroom and grab me. One orderly grabs a towel and presses it to my bleeding wrist as the other wrenches the razor from my hand.
“I saw her….she was here.” I whisper as I feel the needle pierce my skin. I smile and close my eyes as I feel the sedative taking effect. It’s then that I realize that I can be happy…
 Melody Trinity Ann · Mon Jan 04, 2010 @ 10:21pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
