Depressed again. All alone.. New Years. As soon as the clock struck 12, I bursted into tears. Why? I'm not sure... I can't control my emotions... All night I've felt like I'm simply put a damper on everyone else. I feel like I've lost my best friend... I've tried my ass off to help her and she just messes it up for herself. I know the way she is isn't her fault, but come on.. you can at least try. I've given up. Trying to let go but it hurts... It feels like a break up from the man of my dreams just different situation.
I wish I could die. I wish I could die. I can't. I can't. I'm not allowed. It's the worst feeling in the world wanting something so bad but knowing it'd hurt everyone more than the pain I would feel dying. They've spent too much money and too much time on me. Dying would be the worst repayment for them. If 2010 isn't any better for me.. I'm not sure what I might do. I can't go on living this way.