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Katlin's bordom Experiment
i get bored at school. so this is a way to not be bored. yes i look a lot like my avatar. if i end up with wings then probably not anymore
eff school

I've always been pretty good at school besides math. so when i flunked my first class in college it should have been pretty simple to get my GPA back up to get my scholarship back right? i made B's without studying (even in college) and A's with minimum effort.

nope. i'm just at a 2.79...and what do i need? a 3.0. haha yeah if they rounded up i would have it. actually in two classes i had 89s! so if they had rounded them to As i would have had it back by now.

but nope. i'm stuck at a 2.79. and now it'll be another two semesters before i can get it back. (and i already begged my teachers for some kind of help, but there was nothing they could do, but they actually tried which was surprising so that's all you can ask for) which doesn't sound like too big a deal right? just take out some loans or get a job to pay my parents back right?

ha. if only it was that simple.

no no no. i couldn't make it out that easy. my savings are already gone from last semester's tuition. and all the money i had saved went to buying Christmas presents for everyone (oh the irony, since i doubt anyone's going to have a merry Christmas this year)

so my family is going to take away the money they were saving for the last two years for my brother to be able to get a car and put it towards my tuition AND cancel the trip they've had to already cancel twice because of me (my senior year at a private school-the rates skyrocketed, but it was my last year and i'd been there since K3; and because of me losing the scholarship last year)

it's all my ******** fault. i'm a royal ******** up of a daughter. the oldest child the apple of my parents eyes. they always brag about how brilliant i am, and even though i lost my scholarship because of one errant grade, it'd be simple to get it back.

and the saddest part is, is that i actually tried. i studied for weeks and weeks for tests. i stayed after classes and i studied up late nights. i made note cards and took detailed notes. then outlined chapters of books (which i never do) and met with people who i'd never meet with to study with outside of classes.

i know what you're thinking, why did you join gaia if you had so much on your plate?

i only got on if i spent an hour studying for every hour i spent on here. honest to God truth.

so how pathetic is that? i studied my a** off and i still failed spectacularly. not just failing because i was an idiot and goofed off, but i failed because i'm a failure.

to be perfectly honest i want to curl up into a corner and pray that something horrible happens to me so that its impossible for my parents to stay mad at. how sad is that? an almost twenty year old woman crying over her grades late at night over a computer screen.

maybe it's just a prophecy. ha.

i know it's not as big as other people's issues. i'm not being beaten, I've not been raped, my family is in decent finical well-being, and i get to eat everyday.

all this in accord, why does it still feel like my world is ending, slowly and painfully every passing second?

User Comments: [2] [add]
Larnius Von Fleming
Community Member
commentCommented on: Sat Dec 26, 2009 @ 01:24am
If I may, and it is just an opinion, but I don't think you should worry too much about failing. Sure it hurts, believe me I know, but eventually you're gonna have to get back up again right? I mean seriously, with all the awesome things life has to offer, with all the incredible stuff one can see here, with all the lessons there are left to learn in this wondrous game we call our existence, hoping for something bad to happen to you? That's cheating little lady, and I for one will not have it razz

But seriously, life throws us a curveball every now and then, it's probably not the first time and it won't be the last. We just have to learn to suck it up and move on, no matter how bad things seem to be. We all get a little frustrated at times, and life can be seriously unfair, but you know what? That's what gives life worth, that's what makes the years we live here fun. I mean seriously, if life were easy, if there were no challenges, if every time you tried something you succeeded, wouldn't you get bored? I would, I enjoy challenges, and even if I'm hurt at the end, downtrodden and seemingly hopeless, there's always something to learn about every experience.

Yeah, you worked your a** off, you studied hard, did your best and at the end you didn't get what you wanted. Instead of feeling so horrible, of beating yourself up about letting people down, just relax and try to find a lesson in all this. Everything does happen for a reason, and who knows? Maybe you've never experienced failure, at least not of this magnitude, and now your chance arrives. Sure, it's not pleasant, failing never is. But, it's an experience, and better for it to happen now when you have people to back you up than experiencing failure when there's no one there for you. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and believe me pretty one, there is nothing that will make you stronger than doing your best and falling flat on your face. Why? because the next time it happens, you've already experienced and overcome it, and you'll be able to move on much easier than if it was your first time.

I think I've over-extended myself here, I barely know you and I'm typing here like I'm an advice columnist or something. Just know that things aren't as bad as they seem to be, that life goes on and that there will always be failures, the difference is how you decide to handle them. Do you give up because you fell, or do you simply get up and go at it even harder the next time? You can do this, it's all a matter of keeping your eyes on the prize, wanting it and not giving up because of any obstacles. Don't be so hard on yourself and be proud of what you achieved, this is not the end of the world.

All right, I'm ending it here, I think I've written enough for today... hell, probably for the whole week xd I just hope this helps, and if you need to vent or need someone to talk to, send me a PM or comment on my profile. I'm always happy to help someone in need, even if it's just to listen...well, read, but you know what I mean smile

commentCommented on: Fri Jan 22, 2010 @ 06:00am
Dont beat yourself up about it, Everyone has their place in life, im sure youll find yours - Stay positive and positive things will happen 3nodding

Drown in Empathy
Community Member
User Comments: [2] [add]
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