I've always been pretty good at school besides math. so when i flunked my first class in college it should have been pretty simple to get my GPA back up to get my scholarship back right? i made B's without studying (even in college) and A's with minimum effort.
nope. i'm just at a 2.79...and what do i need? a 3.0. haha yeah if they rounded up i would have it. actually in two classes i had 89s! so if they had rounded them to As i would have had it back by now.
but nope. i'm stuck at a 2.79. and now it'll be another two semesters before i can get it back. (and i already begged my teachers for some kind of help, but there was nothing they could do, but they actually tried which was surprising so that's all you can ask for) which doesn't sound like too big a deal right? just take out some loans or get a job to pay my parents back right?
ha. if only it was that simple.
no no no. i couldn't make it out that easy. my savings are already gone from last semester's tuition. and all the money i had saved went to buying Christmas presents for everyone (oh the irony, since i doubt anyone's going to have a merry Christmas this year)
so my family is going to take away the money they were saving for the last two years for my brother to be able to get a car and put it towards my tuition AND cancel the trip they've had to already cancel twice because of me (my senior year at a private school-the rates skyrocketed, but it was my last year and i'd been there since K3; and because of me losing the scholarship last year)
it's all my ******** fault. i'm a royal ******** up of a daughter. the oldest child the apple of my parents eyes. they always brag about how brilliant i am, and even though i lost my scholarship because of one errant grade, it'd be simple to get it back.
and the saddest part is, is that i actually tried. i studied for weeks and weeks for tests. i stayed after classes and i studied up late nights. i made note cards and took detailed notes. then outlined chapters of books (which i never do) and met with people who i'd never meet with to study with outside of classes.
i know what you're thinking, why did you join gaia if you had so much on your plate?
i only got on if i spent an hour studying for every hour i spent on here. honest to God truth.
so how pathetic is that? i studied my a** off and i still failed spectacularly. not just failing because i was an idiot and goofed off, but i failed because i'm a failure.
to be perfectly honest i want to curl up into a corner and pray that something horrible happens to me so that its impossible for my parents to stay mad at. how sad is that? an almost twenty year old woman crying over her grades late at night over a computer screen.
maybe it's just a prophecy. ha.
i know it's not as big as other people's issues. i'm not being beaten, I've not been raped, my family is in decent finical well-being, and i get to eat everyday.
all this in accord, why does it still feel like my world is ending, slowly and painfully every passing second?
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Katlin's bordom Experiment
i get bored at school. so this is a way to not be bored. yes i look a lot like my avatar. if i end up with wings then probably not anymore