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My heart is in total chaos...and i dont know what to do... I feel that part of me wants to say yes, and yet the other other half cowers in fear of the turn out. If i were to say yes would it be for the right reasons? would it be because I truely want to say yes or would it be becuase I didn't want to hurt their feelings cause deep down i'm truely not heartless.... would I be placing myself into a mental hell where the other half of me is clawing to break free of the new bindings I placed upon it cause I said yes.....

What would happen if I said no? Would he feel like he to is stuck in a hell of anothers making and I was his one chance at becoming free of her evil grasp.... But, the part of me that's beging my mind to say no would be free to feel alive and not chained down by my answer... and is it wrong to wish to have someone that your entire soul feels safe and confortable around and not akward?

Should I say yes to the feelings of a bleeding heart even though my instincts are screaming to run and hold onto my freedom until the right guy appears who calms my soul when he's around..... should I go with my instincts?

I feel that my soul is begin torn asunder as I ponder away the minutes and tears begin to burn within my eyes... I feel that I should protect my heart and turn it to ice and place barriers around it and hide behind a mask that so no one knows the real me... But its strange... here online I feel that I can be myself and be free to speak my mind... and yet in the real world I feel trapped within a mask of my own making as I wait for the right guy to see through my defenses to the true me...

I still wonder if its wrong to wait for a guy who eases the chaos in my heart or should i help a friend even though I know deep down i could never turely love him... That he'll aways be more like a little brother to me...

My heart and soul are breaking and I don't know what to do....