now I'm telling myself it's a fling because he sayes when I'm start to care that I'm too clingly, well that and it's really physical. it's really
childish too. I know that I probally won't even see him this week or
next week. another broken promise, broken promises that only matter to me. at least he's not my one and only. I have lots of things going on,
I can just block him out, I tell myself.
work is so boring, depressing, and a pain all at the same time.
I'm feeling less excited about my plans afterwards to see someone.
But maybe that's a good thing b/c they might be cancelled anyways,
but even if that happens I may be able to pull off back up plans.
and even if I do see him, he probally has a g/f now is what I must
tell myself to lessen the surprized and hurt feeling that will return to
bitterness when I find this out. tell yourself it will be the worst while
you can't help hoping for the best is better than telling yourself all these wonderful things you imagine might become true and finding out
the reality is such a let down that leads you to depression.
the disappointed look on his face when you told him how bad your
thoughts really are. now I know I can't tell him stuff anymore. I was
already holding back, but now I really know. it didn't used to be like
this, but it's all different now even though we pretend it's not. at least
I have 1 guy friend that I can tell all to no matter how bad I am and
his judgement doesn't make me feel that bad.