Today Is The Shittiest Day I've Had In A While...
November 19, 2009 Can Eat My ********]
let's run through today. it may sound extremely selfish at times, but i don't give a damn.
Today, I...
- found out my cousin and her kids got in a car wreck, and after not completely getting over my uncle's death, had a mild panic attack.
- learned that nobody broke anything, but were all sore, so i calmed down.
- STUPIDLY thought "well, ******** it, let's go to school today anyway."
- in 1st period today (technically 5th period, but i don't give a s**t.), i started to get stomach cramps. from what? eating too much. "too much" includes 1 bag of ramen and 2 sandwiches over the course of 12 hours.
- decided to call and check up on my cousin after 1st period. no answer.
- started walking to my 2nd period class, and my cramps got worse. it felt like someone had punched me directly in my lungs and stomach.
- then i inhaled, and got what i call a "weird breath"-- basically it means i'm about to vomit-- so i stop off in the bathroom to do so, and notice some blood in said vomit.
- make it to 2nd period, and started thinking about my uncle and how huge of a hole he left when he died, then started thinking about what would happen if my cousin died too.
- blacked out during notes. i wasn't writing them down anyway.
- all my other senses were out of commission except pain, cuz i felt that punch in the lungs/stomach again, only a LOT ******** harder.
- regained consciousness (sort of... i was still a bit hazy.) in 4th period when i was being woken up with my teacher and classmates banging on my desk and yelling s**t at me.
- the teacher asked me if i'd like to either step out into the hall or if i'd like for him to "call the campus police officer for reasonable suspicion that you're under the influence of illegal drugs"-- he's my criminal justice teacher. he used all of our "vocabulary words". go ******** figure.
- got into an argument with some classmates who were calling this gay guy a "f*****t" under their breath. (if family members of people with mental retardation can take offense to the word "retard", i can take offense to someone else being called a "f*****t".)
- decided "******** you stupid ********", and ask for a nurse's pass.
- blacked out AGAIN.
- barely hear two things: a name (Angela), and "...complains that something's choking her..."
- regained consciousness for a 2nd time, this time in front of my apartment door.
- discovered that the maintenance guys came today and steam-cleaned my apartment, so i called my mom and told her. she said "well, take off your shoes and socks, get to your room, and just try to stay out of the living room i guess."
- fell over trying to get my shoes off and twisted my ankle.
- got inside and tried to get to my room (at the back of the apartment) as quickly as i could, slipped, and fell face-first onto the corner of a ******** CHAIR.
- discovered that the farther back into the place you walk... THE WETTER THE WHOLE ******** PLACE GETS... they steam-cleaned more than the living room.
- tried walking on chairs to get back out to the living room to get something to drink and to turn the lights off, deciding "i can deal with flat patches of carpet that are clean, rather than fluffy carpet that isn't clean", and stub every single toe except my right pinky toe on the chairs.
- tried to go to the bathroom, thinking something along the lines of actually going pee. mistake.
- notice AFTER i have slipped on the carpet AGAIN that they also steam-cleaned in front of my bathroom... i landed on my kneecap. on the corner of the tub.
- ******** my nose on the door trying to close it to take aforementioned piss. (cuz my mommy told me to always close the door before you use the toilet.)
- ALMOST get to pee. lung/stomach punch again.
/6:39pm
i'll keep updating this until i go to sleep. it's been a long day, and it sure as hell ain't over yet. cry
11:14pm
alright, so i figured i could use some kind of help with all this pain...
i'm not dependent, and to prove it, i can say:
"i learned today that getting trashed doesn't always help.
with relationships and soap operas, it's fantastic.
but not emotional pain. not physical pain. getting drunk or high is only pressing pause.
when it's over, you not only have to deal with the crash or the hangover, but those problems are just gonna be waiting for you when you're lucid."
see?
it's cuz i'm a ******** G.
"to know thy enemy, know thyself", that kinda s**t, ya know? confused
ah. i'm so in touch with my inner... there's a word or a phrase...
hang on.
self-destructive b*****d?
i dunno. i'm tired. good night.
SIDE NOTE: yes, i am wasted right now. somehow i feel like i should be guilty, but... i don't.
i think i worded that wrong, but oh well. i don't care.
odds are, if i say something while i'm messed up, you should... probably tell me to go shove it up my a**.
or ignore it, it's your call. rolleyes
/11:26pm
November 19, 2009 Can Eat My ********]
let's run through today. it may sound extremely selfish at times, but i don't give a damn.
Today, I...
- found out my cousin and her kids got in a car wreck, and after not completely getting over my uncle's death, had a mild panic attack.
- learned that nobody broke anything, but were all sore, so i calmed down.
- STUPIDLY thought "well, ******** it, let's go to school today anyway."
- in 1st period today (technically 5th period, but i don't give a s**t.), i started to get stomach cramps. from what? eating too much. "too much" includes 1 bag of ramen and 2 sandwiches over the course of 12 hours.
- decided to call and check up on my cousin after 1st period. no answer.
- started walking to my 2nd period class, and my cramps got worse. it felt like someone had punched me directly in my lungs and stomach.
- then i inhaled, and got what i call a "weird breath"-- basically it means i'm about to vomit-- so i stop off in the bathroom to do so, and notice some blood in said vomit.
- make it to 2nd period, and started thinking about my uncle and how huge of a hole he left when he died, then started thinking about what would happen if my cousin died too.
- blacked out during notes. i wasn't writing them down anyway.
- all my other senses were out of commission except pain, cuz i felt that punch in the lungs/stomach again, only a LOT ******** harder.
- regained consciousness (sort of... i was still a bit hazy.) in 4th period when i was being woken up with my teacher and classmates banging on my desk and yelling s**t at me.
- the teacher asked me if i'd like to either step out into the hall or if i'd like for him to "call the campus police officer for reasonable suspicion that you're under the influence of illegal drugs"-- he's my criminal justice teacher. he used all of our "vocabulary words". go ******** figure.
- got into an argument with some classmates who were calling this gay guy a "f*****t" under their breath. (if family members of people with mental retardation can take offense to the word "retard", i can take offense to someone else being called a "f*****t".)
- decided "******** you stupid ********", and ask for a nurse's pass.
- blacked out AGAIN.
- barely hear two things: a name (Angela), and "...complains that something's choking her..."
- regained consciousness for a 2nd time, this time in front of my apartment door.
- discovered that the maintenance guys came today and steam-cleaned my apartment, so i called my mom and told her. she said "well, take off your shoes and socks, get to your room, and just try to stay out of the living room i guess."
- fell over trying to get my shoes off and twisted my ankle.
- got inside and tried to get to my room (at the back of the apartment) as quickly as i could, slipped, and fell face-first onto the corner of a ******** CHAIR.
- discovered that the farther back into the place you walk... THE WETTER THE WHOLE ******** PLACE GETS... they steam-cleaned more than the living room.
- tried walking on chairs to get back out to the living room to get something to drink and to turn the lights off, deciding "i can deal with flat patches of carpet that are clean, rather than fluffy carpet that isn't clean", and stub every single toe except my right pinky toe on the chairs.
- tried to go to the bathroom, thinking something along the lines of actually going pee. mistake.
- notice AFTER i have slipped on the carpet AGAIN that they also steam-cleaned in front of my bathroom... i landed on my kneecap. on the corner of the tub.
- ******** my nose on the door trying to close it to take aforementioned piss. (cuz my mommy told me to always close the door before you use the toilet.)
- ALMOST get to pee. lung/stomach punch again.
/6:39pm
i'll keep updating this until i go to sleep. it's been a long day, and it sure as hell ain't over yet. cry
11:14pm
alright, so i figured i could use some kind of help with all this pain...
i'm not dependent, and to prove it, i can say:
"i learned today that getting trashed doesn't always help.
with relationships and soap operas, it's fantastic.
but not emotional pain. not physical pain. getting drunk or high is only pressing pause.
when it's over, you not only have to deal with the crash or the hangover, but those problems are just gonna be waiting for you when you're lucid."
see?
it's cuz i'm a ******** G.
"to know thy enemy, know thyself", that kinda s**t, ya know? confused
ah. i'm so in touch with my inner... there's a word or a phrase...
hang on.
self-destructive b*****d?
i dunno. i'm tired. good night.
SIDE NOTE: yes, i am wasted right now. somehow i feel like i should be guilty, but... i don't.
i think i worded that wrong, but oh well. i don't care.
odds are, if i say something while i'm messed up, you should... probably tell me to go shove it up my a**.
or ignore it, it's your call. rolleyes
/11:26pm
Community Member