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woke up as me

the events from last night, and the realization of what it all actually means hit me

couldnt take it, almost cried

going back to n for a while.. maybe forever.. what do i have to lose at this point... around the family ill be me, because she sucks at imitating... at work i'll be me sometimes...only sometimes...not sure for how long..

maybe a week, maybe more.. i cant think clearly anymore, my emotions keep flickering on and off.. i keep going from numb to pain, numb to pain.. with n, i dont feel anything at all.. she doesn't even think about it, shes just so excited to get out into the world..

if things keep going bad.. i may lock myself away forever, and slowly die, and let her take over for good.. that was the original plan but she said no.

going back to sleep, n may start posting here more and more, just to keep up with what she thinks is my normal life..