When I was younger people always looked and me and thought that there was something wrong with me. Probably because there was. Then I was small and my life was a lot harder then it is now, though life is still hard.
I think part of it was that then I didn’t know something that I do know now. Something so important, something that human society is so strongly based off of whether we know it or not.
We all, or many of us, seem to think that if we hate someone who hates us all of the hate will stop the hate. It’s like trying to fight fire with fire.
I think people see it as logic because sometimes when you fight fire with more fire both fires will smother each other out. But with human feelings and minds, being far more complex then that of a simple fire, you cannot even being to hope that more hate will smother the hate out or away. All it will succeed in doing is making more hate then ever before.
When I was little I believed that the people that hated me were bad and needed to be hated more. So I would hate, which only made more hate between us as people.
I would go days without talking to anyone; this became especially bad when I was in eighth grade and attending Cascade Christian Junior Senior High School. It was at that school that I started to harm myself physically. Simply because I was unhappy, I didn’t think there was any end to the madness and how I felt.
After returning to Ferrucci I learned something. That year, the second half of eighth grade, I learned that hatred cannot be conquered by hatred but by love alone can be destroyed. So from then on I tried my very hardest to smile and make people around me smile. I dyed my hair from the dark brown it was to the light blonde it is now to show everyone that I was brighter. I thought a physical change would be good along with the mental change within myself.
I stopped the self harm, and although I still have a few scars I now only look at them I think of my past self and how stupid I was.
Then I was living life in a hole, in a place where no one else was making me hurt, only myself. I was the one causing harm, it was my entire fault.
Now, now I am happy. Now I have more friends. Now more people talk to me. And that’s all because I looked inside myself and found everything good about me. I found everything that made me a good person. It’s not to say I still don’t get angry and yell or get upset, I’m only human. But now things are just easier. Smiling comes to me so much easier then it use to.
So as you now know, I wasn’t always the person I am now. But I know believe that if someone hates me that’s their problem and not mine, so I don’t concern myself with it. Concerning yourself with such trivial things will only bring you down. And I am on the road up.
That's actually what I am turning in for an assignment too.
But I didn't tell the whole truth there. And I don't think I ever will. I won't even now because if I don't I'll hurt my friends...
And I don't wanna hurt you guys, ever.
So I'll keep this little secret to myself, sorry if it hurts you that I am keeping a secret, but I want to to know that it would only hurt you more if you knew...
...I love you guys...
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