He grinned a truly happy grin. This had turned out to be one of the best days of his life. He'd made a somewhat friend with Temari, became a ninja, and to top it off, neither his sensei or the Kazekage had a problem with him being the Kyubi container.
There was absolutely nothing in this world that could make this day horrible for him!
As he turned to go, his stomach growled again. "Hey Kazekage-sama? Do you know where I could find a decent ramen shop?"
The Yondaime turned back to him with a light frown. "I'm sorry Uzumaki, but Sunagakure does not import ramen, nor do we have any shops that make it."
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Kankuro looked up from his workbench. Slowly he got up and walked into the living room, where Temari was resting. "Hey sis, did you hear that?"
"Hear what?" the kunoichi asked.
"That bloodcurdling scream that sounded like someone who's body was getting crushed little by little by Gaara's sand."
Temari shrugged. "I don't know, but Gaara's in his room by himself."
Kankuro scratched his chin. "Hmm, weird. ...Oh well." And with that, he returned to his room.
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Naruto rubbed his sand-smudged face. "Then I'll just make more!" So saying, he performed his jutsu again and ten more Naruto's appeared around him. Kankuro just rolled his eyes.
"A one-trick pony, huh? Whatever, you keep settin' them up and I'll keep knockin' them down."
"I've got plenty of tricks up my sleeve," he assured him. "Take this! Henge!"
Kankuro blinked in surprise as the Narutos vanished within a puff of smoke. "Henge?"
"Henge?" Baki and Temari mimicked his surprise.
Kankuro started laughing. "What the hell good is transforming...going...to...oh my-"
"Oooo, Kankuro-kun!" the group of well-figured and, if you didn't count the lingering smoke, naked woman squealed as they dove at the boy. Before Kankuro could even think to defend himself, the girls had latched themselves onto his arms, legs, waist and neck. "Come play with us, Kankuro-kun!" they cooed suggestively.
Kankuro didn't have a chance, as a geyser of blood shot from his nose and he collapsed in a blood-soaked heap.
The ten clones disappeared and the remaining girl transformed back to Naruto, who was looking mighty proud of himself.
"Harem no Jutsu," he explained to the unconscious Kankuro. "Learn to fear the name! For with this technique I, Uzumaki Naruto, am invincib-"
"BAKA!" Temari shouted, bashing the unsuspecting boy's head into the sand with her fan.
Naruto gave a few weak twitches before pulled his head out. "What was that for?" he asked, spitting sand out of his mouth.
"Are you trying to kill us?" the kunoichi demanded. She pointed behind her. "Look at what that stupid technique of yours did!"
Naruto glanced behind her, spotting Gaara, looking slightly curious with a light grin on his face. Next to him was an unconscious Baki, who was also bleeding profusely from the nose.
"Wow, I never would have thought that Baka-sensei would have been the type,"
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Following that logic, and seeing how well his day was going so far, it seemed almost certain that his luck would be changing-
"Eep!" Naruto yelped as he felt himself trip over what felt like a small sand dune. Reflexively closing his eyes, he expected to end up with his face in the sand; hopefully no one would see him...
So he was rather shocked when he felt no impact, but instead felt himself being lifted upside down by his foot. Opening his eyes, he found himself staring into a pair of light-green eyes surrounded by thick, dark rings.
Crap.
"Uh, what's up, Gaara?" he asked, hoping the situation wasn't really as bad as it looked.
"That technique you used," Gaara said darkly. "Teach me how it works."
"..." Naruto was dumbfounded. He attempted to speak once, but couldn't seem to form the proper words. He decided to try again. "...Whaaa?"
Gaara's blank stare didn't waver. "You caused Kankuro and Baki to bleed copious amounts without even touching them. All you had to do was change your appearance. I want to know how you did it."
Naruto blanched. It appeared the situation had just become worse than he had thought. "I uh...I really don't think that Temari-neechan would approve of that."
"Then die," was Gaara's short response.
"Wait wait wait!" Naruto cried as he felt the sand around his ankle start to spread up his leg. "Let's not be too hasty about this. I mean...well, why would you want to learn Sexy no Jutsu anyway?"
The sand stopped spreading, but it didn't recede either. "To make someone bleed as much as I like, I usually have to crush their bodies or rip them apart. Unfortunately, a person who is dead only bleeds once. It would be more enjoyable if I could make them bleed many times before I killed them."
Naruto cringed at the gruesome images that filled his head from those descriptions. Unfortunately, at the same time it seemed funny that Gaara would want to learn Sexy no Jutsu for such a reason. Naruto had to make the assumption that Gaara really knew nothing at all about women or the female body.
Still, he wasn't about to start laughing about it.
"You will teach me," said Gaara, sounding more like a command than a question.
Naruto quickly looked over his options. Possible death at the hands of a pissed off Temari, or certain death at the hands of Gaara.
God, his karma sucked.
"Well, you know...I can't guarantee that you'll be able to learn it, but if I show you how to do it will you please lay off the whole 'killing me' thing?"
Gaara looked to be contemplating the request. "If you cannot guarantee that I will learn it, then I can not guarantee that I won't kill you."
Naruto drooped. It didn't look like he was going to get off any easier than that. "Fair enough, I guess."
The sand dispersed, dropping the blond on his head. "Don't think that I'll forget," the redhead called back as he trudged off, leaving Naruto by himself again.