Information
Betrothal/Engagement
n.
1. The act of betrothing/engaging or the fact of being betrothed/engaged.
2. A mutual promise to marry; announced their betrothal the next day.
An engagement is a promise to marriage, and also the period of time between proposal and marriage – which may be lengthy or trivial. During this period, a couple is said to be affianced, betrothed, engaged to be married, or simply engaged. Future brides and bridegrooms are often referred to as fiancées (brides) or fiancés (grooms).
Long engagements were once common in formal arrangements of marriage and it was not uncommon for parents betrothing children to arrange such many years before the engaged couple were old enough to marry.
[www.wikipedia.org]
The Marriage Time Line
Stage One: Dating/Courting
This refers to the time period in which two people are seeing each other exclusively in a romantic way. This is generally the point where they discover how compatible they are.
Stage Two: Engagement/Betrothal
This is the period during which two partners have agreed to marry, and are either planning the wedding or ready to plan the wedding.
Stage Three: Marriage
This is the final stage. The two partners have become legally and/or spiritually married. This is a legally binding and can only be undone by divorce or death.
Rings&Things
Most engagements are marked by a ring or other item which is representative of the promise and commitment. Usually, the male gives this to the female during a formal or non-formal proposal.
Wedding bands are usually exchanged during wedding ceremonies. Both partners will usually recieve one from the other.
Other symbols are also used to express engagement and marriage, everything from tattoos to hair pins have been used.
Related Laws
In most states [US] you cannot marry if you are under the age of eighteen without the permission of your parents.
For a list of laws by state, see this site.
http://www.coolnurse.com/marriage_laws.htm
Statistics
Currently the average age at marriage in the US is 26.8 years for men, and 25.1 years for women. It is interesting that though this represents an increased age for men, it is not significantly higher than the rate 100 years ago. Actually age rates at marriage for men declined from 1910 through 1960. Lowest average age for marriage in men was in 1960, when the mean age for marriage was 22.8 years.
[www.wisegeek.com]
More Second Marriages Fail
Marriage statistics show that more second, third, etc. marriages fail than first marriages in the United States. While 47% of first marriages end in divorce, 60-80% of subsequent marriages end in divorce. So, chances are, if you could not make it work the first time, you are less likely to be able to make it work again.
Good Marriages Do Not Start as Affairs
This is one of the marriage statistics that seems logical - if you cheat, you probably will not be able to make a lasting relationship of it. Studies show that only 1-3% of affairs result in a lasting marriage.
How Many Are Married?
Now for some standard marriage statistics; of all adults living in the United States, about 60% are married. Of those 60%, 4% are not living with their significant other. About 10% of all US adults are divorced, and 24% have never been married.
Remarriage Statistics
Many marriage statistics also involve how quickly an individual is likely to get remarried after a divorce. The average time between divorce and remarriage is two and a half years. Remarriages occur within five years of the divorce in 75% of all cases. White women are more likely to remarry than black women.
Children Weigh in on Marriage Statistics
Children are involved in many marriage statistics. In the United States, children occupy 34.6 million households. Two parents run 24.9 million of those households. One parent runs 9.7 million households. Of the one-parent households single moms run 8.4 million, and single dads run 1.4 million. Over ten times as many children of separated parents live with their biological mom and step dad than their biological dad and step mom.
Career Women and Marriage
Many studies have shown that women with careers are more likely to cheat and more likely to get divorced. Professional women are less likely to have children, and more likely to be unhappy if they do have children.
Factors for Divorce
Many factors increase the likelihood of divorce. The younger you are when you get married, the more likely you are to divorce. Your race, your economic status, and your religious beliefs all factor into your marriage statistics as they relate to divorce. If your parents are divorced, you have a higher risk of divorce.
[www.lanningenterprises.com]
Some More Info
Statistics listed her say fifty nine percent of marriages to brides under eighteen end in divorce within fifteen years.
Ask Yourself...
1. Do you want children?
While it might not be a big deal right now if you two don't agree on the number of children you want to have, when the day comes to start having kids this could be a marriage-ender. Do you two mostly agree on the size and type of family you want together? Does one want to pop out 5 toddlers and the other just want to adopt a kid, or not have children at all? Can you agree on when you two will start adding children in to your family? If one partner is forced in to parenthood it is very possible that they will resent their partner for it, causing major problems in the marriage. Essentially, when, how many and how you two are going to have children needs to be agreed upon before committing to each other for life.
2. Can we manage our money?
This is an especially important topic for younger couples because it is very possible that they have never had to manage their money on their own before. If you two can't agree on how your money will be managed now these problems will only be amplified once you're married. It doesn't matter what system you two agree on for managing your money, what's important is that the system works (as in, all your bills get paid) and you two are happy with the agreement. You two will need to discuss how much money every month will go towards bills, food, spending, and saving (and what exactly you're saving for and when you want to reach that goal).
3. Can we talk about sex?
Wether you are waiting for marriage or have been sexually active for years, the two of you need to be able to talk openly and honestly about sex and all things related. You both need to understand what the other expects/is willing to give in terms of frequency, fantasies, preferences, masturbation, pornography, ect. If there are currently any sex-related problems, you should not get married until these issues are worked out. If you two aren't comfortable enough with each other to talk about sex, your relationship probably isn't ready for a life-long commitment just yet.
4. How will we spend time with the In-Laws?
There needs to be boundaries and expectations in terms of the in-laws. You two will be your own family unit, and letting in-laws control too much of your lives or marriage will put undue stress on both of you. Both sets of in-laws need to understand where the line is drawn, and both you and your partner need to be happy with the level of outside family involvement.
5. Who will do the household chores?
You either need to hire someone to clean your house for you ($$$) or you two absolutely must work out who is going to do what chores around the house. In all honestly, the best way to ensure this is going to work is to live together and manage the upkeep of your place before getting married. But either way, you two need to discuss who is going to do what chores and in what time frame. If one partner is annoyed with how the other keeps house, this will only be intensified with time if not worked out. That or you will live in a tense and filthy house.
6. How will you two spend your free time?
What do you expect to be able to do with your downtime, and what do you expect your spouse to do with their free time? Do these expectations agree with each other? If one person expects to spend a few nights a week as alone time, and the other expects to spend as much time as possible doing things together, someone is always going to be disappointed.
Are you ok with what your partner does in their free time (and vice versa)? If one tends to enjoy activities the other disapproves of (going to strip clubs, for example), one can't expect this behavior to change once married. Either work it out or call off the wedding.
7. How often do you drink (or any drug issues)?
Do either of you have an alcohol or drug habit that could easily turn in to a problem (or already is)? Such problems cause not only marital issues, but finical and legal issues as well. Not to mention how adversely an addiction can affect any children the two of you may have.
8. Has either partner ever been abusive (mentally or physically)?
If your spouse has ever been physically or mentally abusive, is controlling of what you see/do, makes you feel like you're walking on eggshells, makes you feel bad about yourself, or has anger management issues, call off the wedding immediately. This is an abusive and highly unhealthy relationship. Don't ever think you can "save" your partner. You're not a professional, you can't save them by yourself, and you don't deserve to put up with abuse.
9. What do you define as cheating?
What does each person define as cheating? What is okay and what is not okay in your relationship? Do you two agree on these things? If you don't agree, are you two wiling to compromise/ respect the other's wishes? If you two can't agree on what a monogamous (or not monogamous, if that's what the couple wants) relationship is, you shouldn't be getting married.
10. Where do you see yourself in 30, 40 and 50 years?
Where do you two expect to be in these time frames? Can you see your life plans working together? Do you expect this to be a long lasting marriage or do you have no idea where it will go? If one person wants to go to grad school in the east, and the other wants to join the military and thus move around the country, either someone will have to give up their goals (not something a marriage should require) or you two will have to put your marriage on the back burner while other things take center stage. And if you don't expect your marriage to last, why are you getting married? Would simply living together suffice until you two are either more sure of your future/break up/decide marriage is not for you? Think of the legal complications as well as the emotional and financial implications of divorce (especially on any children you may have) as opposed to breaking up without a legal contract binding you together.
[http://marriage.about.com/od/engagement/ss/tenquestions.htm]
[Thank you Vacuum Tubes! c:]
Factors that will put you at lower risk for divorce...
1. [Unfortuently] Being at least 25 years old
Before 25 you may lack life experience, income, communication skills, and are more likely to get married for the wrong reasons.
2. The reason you are living together is because you want to get married
Not because it's convenient or cheaper. These are not reasons to get married.
3. The Bride has a good relationship with her father
This provides good communication skills and the knowledge that she is loved. Women with father issues are more likely to make poor choices in a spouse.
4. The Groom is willing to share chores
If you both believe household chores are a mutual responsibility, you are eliminating a potential source of conflict in your marriage.
5. Your combined income is at least $50,000 a year
Making less money than this puts you at a much higher risk for money problems, which are the leading cause of divorce.
6. You are purchasing a home, considering purchasing a home, or saving towards the purchase of a home together
Purchasing a home shows a commitment to stay together and build a future together, even if it does create some more financial strain.
[http://marriage.about.com/od/engagement/a/marriagelast.htm]
[Again, thanks Vacuum Tubes!]
Wedding cost Estimator...
[also courtesy of Vacuum Tubes. c: ]
