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Not a dream avi--but look.......
I had fun creating this....it reminds me of Bloodrayne heart
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Dusk till night i stare in fright
Red rose bleeds
Black bat wings
In shadows i seek this creature
Hard to see
Hard to believe
Into darkness I fall into her eyes
My dreamlike fantasy


this is random...oh well.... rolleyes
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Hell is something i cannot explain; To be part or live alone
It drives me insane
To be kept with a heart of stone
Her eyes a forgotten memory
I cannot live in this cage
Can sorrow be my destiny?....
My desire is trapped in pain


Revised by Riqua

dawn of eternity
Community Member
  • [07/31/06 10:42pm]
  • [12/19/05 02:04am]
  • [12/08/05 07:27pm]
  • [11/13/05 12:27am]
  • [10/29/05 07:53pm]
  • [09/24/05 11:08pm]
  • [09/18/05 03:17am]
  • [08/21/05 01:02am]
  • [06/11/05 07:23am]


  • User Comments: [2]
    wow very nice blaugh i like the first one better blaugh blaugh
    oh and i like how you added an av to them very cute lol blaugh
    keep writin i love readin them

    comment Alice_the_Hatter · Community Member · Wed Dec 21, 2005 @ 11:35am
    Dusk till night i stare in fright
    Red rose bleed
    Black bat wings

    hmm bleeds sounds better AND it works with the "wings" you have on the next line

    In shadows i seek this creature
    Hard to see
    Hard to believe

    Into darkness
    I fall into her eyes
    My dreamlike fantasy

    The last 3 lines seem kind of off to me... like it should be the longer line then 2 shorter ones and over-all punctuation... otherwise it's great ^^

    Hell is something i cannot explain
    To be part or live alone
    It drives me insane

    I think the last 2 lines should be one line with a comma and a semi-colon on the first line

    To be kept with a heart of stone
    Her eyes a forgotten memory

    is it supposed to be with? or is it within?

    I cannot live in this cage
    Can this be a sorrow destiny....
    My desire fell in the rain

    the second line is confusing and should have a "?" since it's a question... "sorrow destiny" doesn't really fit, maybe sorrowful destiny or destiny of sorrow or can sorrow be the (or my) destiny?... and the last line doesn't really make sense, i'm not sure how it fits in with the rest of the poem...

    Keep it up, I like you're work whee

    comment Riqua · Community Member · Sat Dec 24, 2005 @ 06:57am
    User Comments: [2]

     
     
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