Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals



View User's Journal

Report This Entry Subscribe to this Journal
D Hudson Darkness Chronicles
My rant. I am kind of proud that i managed to write this much- I was obviouosly quite pissed.

Yours were obviously not as persistent as mine. And were they induced by the anti-depressants? That makes them weaker as well. And what if I am an a*****e. maybe, just maybe, it was cause by unprovoked attacks by way of, um, let me see, HUMANITY!!? All my ******** life I have be prejudiced against, and when anybody, anybody at all is needing help, I have helped them. Maybe It has come time for me to let loose the Evil voice in my head. And perhaps humanity will regret taking nice people for granted. No, strike that. Alex, Brian, Regal, What the ******** would you all do If I ACTUALLY lead the next genocidal movement? If I started slaughtering "innocents? i wouldn't enjoy having that bear down on your consciences. Because I am a good person. Ask Brian. he didn't realize that by saying "dude, i am really getting depressed over family issues. wanna hang out?" made me ditch class to help a friend out. And then I find out his grandmother's house just creeps him out and he wasn't allowed to play video games. true story.And when i say 'better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all" I speak from experience on both sides Alex. I have lost people very dear to me. It hurt. I am not a completely insensitive p***k. i am just comfortably numb most of the time. i see peoples pain, and it makes me hurt. I try to help them. in turn, I feel better. But, finally I have snapped. because I have argued with you for far too long about things you don't realize I truly have a grasp of. I know relationships, as I have had my fair share, OKAY? Each one has met it's own tear-soaked end. I know what to do, what not to do. Okay? just because i am now a fat neck-bearded teenager, with red hair and an addiction to masturbating, does not mean I WAS ALWAYS ******** LIKE THIS!!! even the red hair. it was blonde once. Gods above, if you could truly see my life, you would all die. the pain i have felt equals or betters your own, and my experience is that of three lifetimes. Gods. Another thing. Do you know how many ******** times i have kept people from killing themselves? any idea? I'll tell you something. every ******** time, I wanted to tell them to do it. The little black voice in my head coaxed me on. but guess what? I wasn't enough of an a*****e. you know, being an a*****e is brought on by being in close quarters with other ones. it is just the way we, as humans, adapt. I try. I try so hard i could bleed sometimes. But I can't get the stink of your 'beautiful" race out of my goddamn nose. past the 1500s, mankind has sought only its own destruction. I want to help. i really do. but the little white beacon of light keeps holding me back. Why? I don't know. Maybe because i was meant for better things. perhaps I am the one to stop it. like I said, i don't know. Maybe it is some sort of evil, manifesting in my mind, keeping me from actually doing the right thing. You don't know me. Don't ever think you do. EVER. That gos for you too Brian. You have not seen all of my life, and you never will.i am filled with enough hate to lose my sanity, to kill everything in creation. and when I find things to hold me back, from that grim brink of madness, People think even less of me. When I finally find a religion, my "friends" shoot it down. when I actually know things, (for example, my IQ) no one would believe me. When I can do things well, people hate me. when i do them poorly i am made fun of. The release most people would find in my situation is suicide. now i may be an a*****e, I may not be. But I am not a coward. i leave you with this.

Yeah. I went there.[/color:9532820582][/align:9532820582]
[b:9532820582]"I slept with faith and found a corpse in my arms on awakening;
I drank and danced all night with doubt and found her a virgin in the morning."
-Aleister Crowley[/color:9532820582][/align:9532820582][/b:9532820582]
Community Member
«Prev | Next
Archive | Home

  • [11/08/09 06:54pm]
  • [06/24/09 07:24am]

    Manage Your Items
    Other Stuff
    Get GCash
    Get Items
    More Items
    Where Everyone Hangs Out
    Other Community Areas
    Virtual Spaces
    Fun Stuff
    Gaia's Games
    Play with GCash
    Play with Platinum

    Customize your own avatar now!

    Join Now

    Have an account? Login Now!