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the me nobody knows the things iv endured the pain iv endured i was born very sick had clamitia in my eyes cause my father cheated on my mom with a young girl i was born blue fighting for my life i was born with a sickness that is not curable i am prone to all sicknesses if i come in contact with it no matter what it is at a young age my father left me i suffered with abandonement hate thats when i let go and changed becoming violent hateful hurting anyone who got in my way i hated everyone i blamed them all for my pain grabbed a cord whipped my mom and her friend with it i dident feel sorry at all i yelled my eyes went pure red i kicked my mom into the dresser she hit the heater hard i dident feel anything i was empty did not care i hurt those i loved found my fathers picture took out a lighter without a thought i held the lighter in my hands flicked it on and wished to burn it all mom found me with the lighter i told her i hated him for leaving me she took the lighter from me i layed cying on the floor i was put into councelling it helped but it never ended the hate the sadness the abandonment everyone i loved always threathened to leave me my own mom took a knife and held it to herself and said she felt dead she said she wished my good friend jenna was her daughter instead of me i never forgot that she apologized but i never forgot it she threthened to leave me when she saw how hurt i was she apologized she shipped me away i felt she did not want me i came back and she was happy me too i now suffer with feeling as if i will lose everyone i love my great great grandmother died who i was close to and i cried never got over it another sign those i loved would leave me somehow in school life was hell bullied black eyes bruised kicked in ribs throat stepped on my head hit off the police car choked punched kicked my hair set on fire touched inapropriatly by a boy a boy lifting my shirt seeing my breast i was 14 scared as hell ppl hurassing me about the pain i suffered belieiving i lost a baby that was never real trying to hit my stomache saying your child wouldve been ugly its best she died i grabed the scizzors wanting to end it all i was stopped i climbed a rocky hill planing to dive off it i was once again stopped chased with a switch blade an ex threthening to rape me been beaten by an ex stalked by him my sister splitting open her head in the tub cause i let go dont know why i did i never will but i thought i killed her tried to drown myself ppl trying to let me drown saying i was faking while i screamed for someone my mouth filing with water passed out got a concussion still blank out pass out cause of it been cheated on used told i wasent good enough would never be that id always be alone been possessed moving was no different suffered attempted rape the boy i thought was my friend pushed me onto the seat got ontop of me i told him i had a bf he dident care he said it wouldnt last and hed have me one way or the other he threthened to get me pregnant been touched by him i hid it inside myself i just wanted to forget the whole thing but it never went away i had dreams of it friends turn on me my bestfriend turned on me blamed me for moving and went after my bf. put the moves on him friends turned in me threthening to beat me up used the info about the whole ordeal of my suffering pain i had my life be threthened ppl threthen to make my life hell ppl say i was a lesbian a phycotic phycopath my father wanted to buy my life my dad use to beat me nobody knows these things iv endured why i am the way i am why i feel like breaking why i cry why i hate why i hurt why i fear why i feel like im not good enough why i feel like im cursed if they knew this how would they feal pity hate discust or maybe think i am mental i am far from mental but these things almost drove me mental how much can one girl take before she breaks why i fear guys are after me for sex or to use me and throw me a side i fear guys i hate them there is only a few guys in this world i trust my dad my stepdad my bf if everyone only saw the me who cries the me whos dreams haunt her the me who wants to give up would they care?