Im bored out of my mind so I figured I would post something. I turned 25 awhile back went on vacation as well. Im tired as hell at the moment this week has been really shitty. I came back to find my machine at work broke down so im strugling to do everything by hand. A storm hit and caused more trouble on Friday so I got really behind and went in today to finish my work. I hardly made it through Friday and Saturday I worked 21 hours with no sleep I was actually up for around 24 or so. I had to go out in blizzard conditions it was great fun. Anyway im ******** depressed as hell trying hard not to take up a lead diet and blow my brains out. I lost a lot of weight working out and stuff but it's creeping back on. I really have to watch it I want to lose more. Im down to 190lbs I was lower but my vacation gave me lots of new food joints to try.
My relationship situation has not improved I thought I had issues thought I was crazy well I am able to find women even more ******** in the head then I. My boss was going to try to set me up with someone but I haven't heard anything not sure im interested. Shes got 4 kids and shes 31. I don't know her so I don't know and it seems like it's not going anywhere any way. Im tired of living the way I am and I can't escape it. I have thought several times I just wont get up in the morning just lay here until I starve or die some other way I just hardly give a s**t anymore. I got into a bit of a fight with this girl I know she basically gave me s**t because im depressed what the hell can I do about it. People give me crap saying im not doing anything to help myself. I have done all I can to find someone I have looked for new jobs but everything ends up leading me to nothing.
I met this girl from Dodge City on a dating sight im on. We started talking a bit but she shows no interest I told her I was a bit interested but she wont go for it. She was complaining about the guys she meets only wanting sex and stuff not really wanting a serious relationship. She ended up sleeping with as guy I know after they had a few dates or something not much. He stopped talking to her and may have been seeing another girl on the side. She got mad but within a 2 or 3 month time shes dated 4 guys I think. She has started saying things that just piss me off. She said something about cheating in the past and admitted she could in future relationships. She once called herself a whore but yet she considers herself better then these guys. When I met her she was mad because her boyfriend of 3 years left her right as they were planning to move in together. Im really frustrated and sick of these women. I can't find anyone who doesn't make me want to kill myself. I would love to just kill all of them one by one and set this city on fire.
I have this void I can't fill a darkness thats eating me up inside it's going to swallow me up. Im just angry at everything all the bad s**t I used to do is coming back into my mind I just try to ignore the urge. I did some things I shouldn't have but I just didn't give a ********. Nothing really matters anymore I bust my a** and all I get for it is suffering. Im so lonely it's driving me insane. I do s**t for people and get nothing in return nothing I do matters to anyone. People tell me it will get better but I have heard that bullshit my whole life.
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