I still do not understand your actions. It's been almost three months, and I still cannot understand why you cut me out of your life. The excuse you gave me was- to be frank- utter crap.
I'm over it. I've moved on with my life and let me tell you, I live a beautiful life. My life is simpler, happier, without you. Whether or not you realize it, you abused my friendship, took advantage of my forgiving nature, and in general walked all over me. You put me down and assumed that you always knew what I was thinking and what was best for me.
You assumed I was the person I was in high school. And I'm not.
For what it's worth, in high school you were (mostly) a good friend to me, and always stuck by me when I really needed someone there. But let's be honest- you handled that whole situation with your skanky ex girlfriend really, really poorly. And the way you handled that left a huge, gaping hole in our relationship that, no matter how desperetly I tried to repair it, would not heal.
I wish I understood. I wish I understood why you threw someone who had always been there for you no matter what away so easily. I tell myself it was God telling me I didn't need you anymore, and that hurting me was the only way to get you out of my life. I don't know if that's true, maybe I just want to make things easier to handle. For whatever reason, I am clearly better off without you.
I love this secret. It's exactly how I feel about you. I don't miss you, but I do. I miss the way we were. But I know that's a silly thing to miss.
I want you to know, I forgive you. And I still love you.
I just wish I understood.
