Today is mediocre, moving by in a slow way. Today will be undoubtedly boring. Gut-wrenchingly boring, even. Do I actually want to go anywhere? Nah, not really. I crave excitement and social attention yet I dread the thought of making the effort to go do anything, and believe that once I do start doing said things, I will be bored. Immensely.
So nothing changes.
I had a job interview at Freshly Squeezed today. My employer is foreign and didn't give me what I would call a real interview, but I felt like it went well none-the-less. He talks like I'm already hired so I consider this a good sign. I really would rather work at Ardene's though.
As today is mediocre, I also feel ... mediocre. I am not depressed, but I am not happy. I am just neutral. There is something pulling at my gut, but for the most part I'm ignoring it. I'm being kind of cheerful despite that though.
I'm making my best efforts not to care about the former entry's subject, but I am only succeeding somewhat. I can manage to keep my urges to talk to him at bay, but it doesn't stem my curiousity about the events that took place or bringing up memories in my head.
Honestly the only thing I can say is this s**t sucks. I still don't know why I don't just flat out hate him after all the turmoil he put me through, but I was always stubborn that way.
I want to believe he's a better person then just a heartless a*****e. I honestly do. I wish he would give me (and everyone else) a real reason to think of him better, though.
Blah blah... if it's not one person it's just a ******** 'nother. That's life for you. Picking up and moving on has been a bit smoother then normal, but I'm still being held back somewhat by my emotions.
Hopefully I will be able to cut those soon.
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