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Here I go again...


Radischio
Community Member
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Feeling kinda depressed lately.
Well, I'm just gonna start of by saying, yeah, my first real journal entry. I want to go daily again, but I don't know. I'n not on enough for that. Wich leads me to my second little bulletin, that I'm sorry I havent been on much lately...Not much of a bulletin, but I didn't know what else to call it. I'm just not gonna be on much for a while, and I'm kinda scared I'm gonna quit again. Theres just a lot of crap going on right now, and gaia's felt more like a chore lately. Anyway, thats all I wanted to say. Now on to the real stuff you looked at this for.

Like the title says, I'm just feeling kindav depressed. I can't stop looking at the past and thinking, 'Good times...Why have things changed so much?' And I know I can't go back. It's terrible, because I'm just now really realizing that I'm not gonna be a yung-un forever. What am I gonna do when I graduate? Whats gonna happen to all my friends? To everybody? Am I gonna quit gaia forever? I'm already a solitary person, so If I did move somewhere like britan, how am I gonna make friends? It sucks. Middle school was the days, speciffically early seventh grade. Those were the best times of my life, now I'm not even friiends with the same people. Gaia changed, and now theres only a handful of people I even care about, and they're the only reason I get on. I dont remember how I used to make friends, I stopped talking to random people except for in the forums, and when whatever thread I'm in dies I never see them again. Specially since I only go to the CB now. It's just wierd, and I feel isolated and lonely most of the time. I listen to some songs, and they don't even mean anything to me, and I just realize that my life consists of me sitting, alone, In some room. I dont go outside or to friends houses or anything. Its driving me a little crazy, I think. I just feel terrible all the time...I dont know what to do. My mom's never home and dads always drinking. I miss my older sister, who I havent seen in a year, and feel like I dont have any friends. That would lead to someone feeling lonely. Well, that was my 'I'm emo' thing. Hopefully talking about it will make me feel better, but it only made me sadder right now. Ha.

Next on my self pity list is some things I've done wrong, and in there's the reason I dont get on gaia anymore. Xbox 360. Lately I've just been obsessed. I dont think of anything else. I stopped eating, almost at all. My grades dropped, terribly, and I became jaded to the world. everything seemed to suck, as long as I wasn't online. Well, my grades dropped a little too far, and when the progress report came home and my mom saw that I had failed a class she flipped. She ripped the console out of my room. I'm glad she did. I knew I was getting addicted, but never did anything about it. It was literally the only thing I cared about anymore. Isn't that funny? I'm talking about it like it's a drug, but its just a game system. So, now, I'm kinda on probation. I wasn't supposed to be watching TV, Playing games, or being on the internet, but she gave me TV back, and doesn't care about the Internet. But I want to get my grades up. I need to. When she was yelling at me the night the report card came back, she said our poor little, split family was too poor to put me through college. At all. I need to get a free ride, somewhere. Plus, my sister. She's going in a year after me. If she doesn't get a free ride, and my mom wasted money on putting me through college, she wont be able to go at all. I dont want that to happen. It can't. So, If it means giving up the internet, and gaia, I have to stop doing this crap to myself and get some hardcore studying done. High school's harder than it's supposed to be.

And, lastly, a good ole fashion rant. Hopefully a small one, but when I go a-ranting, it usually gets outta hand. Just a foreword, there...
Presidancy. I don't get why people just freaked out this year. Maybe it wasn't just this year, either. I dunno, but it was all over gaia, school, and other places. Firstly, gaia, i dont know why people would just randomly say something bad about the candidate they weren't voting for. Like spewing out some random fact or story that probably wasn't true, but really didn't matter anyway. Like they had to justify that they were choosing him, or just had to say they were so proud. I dont get that. You arent special in any way for picking a presidential candidate. I'm not saying you shouldn't be proud, i just think It's pointless. The only people that give a poo are they people that aren't voting for that person. Nobody's gonna walk up to you and pat you on the shoulder and say, "You believe in change? Me too! Just take my car, since you care so much'', or "Nobama! Really! I feel the same way. I'm gonna give you the winning lottery ticket I was just about to cash in!" Besides, most of the people on gaia can't even vote. While on that is my main rant about presidancy in school. Everybody seemed super angry, or elated. Which I thought was incredibly stupid, and laughed at people who asked me what I thought about the new president. Seeing as all were just freshman and white, the only reason they gave a shart was whatever their parents taught them to be. It's so pathetic how one guy started spewing out a bunch of facts about Mr. Obama at me when I said, 'I really could care less about the president." like he won't release his college and medical records. So, if he did, and he went to 'university of non-infadles' whose fight song was in a strange language and all the rest of that crap, who cares? If you didn't know, our goverment involves checks and balances, and if he tried to pass some law that ended up letting terrorists blow up america, I'm guessing even his fellow democrats would veto that. Besides, the guy's christain, not that other religion(which I happened to have forgotten)...Give him a break. And I dont get why It's such a big deal a black man's president now. He probably would have won twenty years back, had they tried. Its strange to find a racist now, and it alters your opinion about the person. For the worse. I'd know. It doesn't seem like a huge leap for mankind, or the u.s., or african-americans, or anybody. It doesn;t seem like a big deal anyway. Just one more paragraph in the history book, and maybe in a cople decades, an Obama day.Sorry, it did get outta hand. Anyway, stopping now, seeing as how my heartbeat's gone up quite a bit. Just makes me mad, it seems so pointless to make a big deal out of it. So...Um...Bye. Thanks for reading to the end, or just reading this sentance, at least.


Oh, and did I say I lost my mom's iPod? I was just using it for the audiobooks, y'know audiobooks, right? books on tape, cept on your pod? anyway, i was bringing it from my dad's house, and fished the heardphones outta my backpack, but they werent attatched. I emptied averything out in an attempt to find it, but, of course, didn't. Since she's still pissed at me for failing, I havent told her. I'm gonna try buying her a newer, more expernsive one. Just got some money from working with my grandpa. Should be just enough. But after that...Back to the poor house. I was planning to buy two new games, but seeing as how I don't have an Xbox any more, and dont have a bank account either, I better buy something useful before I buy something stupid....Man. I love my life.




 
 
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