I don't know why, but right now, at 4:30 in the morning, I'm having some kind of minor breakdown for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON.
I think it's because I'm sitting here thinking and I'm starting to realize what's happening and I'm scared as ********.
I don't want it to happen, but I do at the same time.
I do because it'll make me happy.
I don't because I know if it turns out bad I'm going to go through hell again... God sakes, I've already been through this s**t, I don't need to subjected to it again within hardly a year from the last time.
It's just because... I'm trying to think about things logically. If I consider what things have been like the past, I COULD VERY EASILY END UP THAT WAY AS WELL.
What do I do about it? Nothing I guess. Just hide it all inside. Wait, I'm ******** bad at that, so nevermind.
If it's really gotta be that way, please don't let me get in too deep...
WHAT THE HELL KIND OF ENTRY IS THIS. I'M GOING ON NOTHING BUT FIDDLESTICKS. DAMN MY PARANOIA. THIS IS YOUR FAULT. ALL OF YOUR FAULTS FOR MAKING ME FEEL WORTHLESS.
... Okay, glad I got that out.
I watched Code Geass tonight. I also hung out with Dustin, James, and Donovan. I perhaps, finally watched Code Geass because Dustin spoiled a whole bunch of things from the episodes I had been too lazy to watch. I was kind of angry but not really.
Vanilla frosties are good. I really appreciate Dustin buying me food all the time. I feel somewhat bad because I have a guilt-complex when it comes to accepting gifts on non-special occasions, but it really makes me happy that he does that for me...
Sadly we all didn't get to hangout for very long because Dustin has to go to bed early since he works full-time now. But maybe I'll see him tomorrow. Me, James, and Colin later are all playing Symphonia at James' house. Colin is supposed to hangout with Dustin after he gets off work so maybe they'll just both stay at James house anyways.
I have to do laundry tomorrow.
I'm at the water temple on Twilight Princess. Back in that bloody place. I'm going to hate going through the spirit temple again. Poes, bah...
I should go to bed. I think I'm just wigging out because I'm tired. This is my fault for being a nightwalker. s**t, school starts in like 2 weeks. I'm not amused.
Okay, I have to promise myself I need to stop being batshit insane paranoid over things that haven't even happened yet or maybe never will.
I just don't want to be alone again
UHH NIGHT ♥
(god as if anyone reads this crap)
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