Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Its getting harder and harder to find sleep.

every night as i lie down for the accursed ritual, i cannot stop the flood of emotion.

during the day, i say im quite lucid, but i cannot say the same as the clock ticks past twelve.

i miss the things i love about the past, and i wish i could have a better hold on myself. more and more often i find myself feeling the waves of sorow wash over me like a bad dream; and all i can do iis whatever my body whims.

i cry, i think; and yet i cant stop hurting. from what i have no idea, but it hurts all the same. "happy thoughts, happy thoughts.i hope i can finally win this time" i keep telling myself, but as the thought crumbles away from me like so many previous thoughts do; sorrow and depression sets right back in.. its takes all that i can muster sitting here at the keyboard; tears pounding the desk, but my beloved has the right to know.

i would gladly give up my own life to see that she doesnt have to see this side of me; but every rose has its thorn.

as dawn breaks over another nightmarish dream, i shall probably forget this entire journal page has been written, and i shall return to my perpetually happy self.

but just this once, the dark beast that is the vampire has gotten his wish.

Michi- im sorry.