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Ah dear journal, we meet again as I twirl my little conundrums about in the vacant air above my head wondering about the mishaps of my day, life in general, random nonsense.

I've come to realize.. I miss you Gaia. Things aren't the same and I'm bothered by it. Yes I've met my share of the crazies back then but somehow friendship, caring, all of those values were still a prevailing thing. Yes I had my dealings in spitting out the right and wrongs of things, but never had/would I have turned my back... Mind you turning your back for me is to literally do just that. Turn around and say, "******** off.. I got better things to do than worry about whether some jackass is really being a good person." ... I sit here and I wonder, where are those long hours of rping and guild mingling? The light hearted events and discussions, the carefree days when new friendships were made... I miss it all!

Lately I've been sucked into a world not of my own (understatement of the century), and I come across things that make me wonder if there really is a sane soul to just be friends with to show caring and whole hearted understanding that miles may exist, but no one is really alone, and to just have fun with no spite or expectations of the other or anything at all. Knowing we were all together having fun and trusting each other - that was all that was needed. You know~ the cheesy s**t animators and game producers all try to get across. I liked that world... that was MY world.

I admit as altruistic as it all sounds, I know I'm not as personal as I'm chalked up to be and I'm annoyingly independent but hell it works and I never ran into any wrong with my world I just cared, helped, and then moved on with my life making sure everyone around my world was happy or in the least normal- all while trying to walk that golden brick road that I knew I'd have to pave myself. And you know what? I haven't gotten that in a long time... and I got a craving... a hunkering feeling for that bond.

That was the Gaia I created for myself and gosh darn it, I want a one way ticket back home. Excuse me while I retreat back my own version of normalcy and bring back my habitual Gaian routines I miss so much. >w>

Moo, sore ja. ~Mai