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fears of the future:

Am I going to be successful, when will I get married, can I support a family, how will I afford college: will I even get into one? All this is constantly in my head. The anxiety of it all can be over whelming sometimes. I constantly cant sleep becasue of my nonstop thinking. I dont want to be lonely! It makes me scared to move wer i know no one; but ut also is excieting. Ive often felt a stomache ache and a restless sleep with only my thoughts to keep me company. WHY CANT I JUST STOP THINKING!!! I want to be able to take life day ata a time. Que sera sera as shigure says



love and anxiety:

All these thoughts and fears are always in my head but one stands out to me most. It's simple, love. I know thinking about it constantly is not going to change when i find it but i cant help it. I want to fall in love, I want 2 find that one person who understands me more then anyone. Someone I can cry infront of (crying is hard for me). Who makes me fee specail and lets me feel weak without felling bad about myself. I want everything that comes along with it including the pain. Sometimes I fell like im drowning from all the anxiety. I try to calm down (repeating que sera in my head lol) but no matter how hard I try it is always there, around the corner teasinf me and taunting me, making it so i cant sleep. I dont think it will go away till i am "in love" but im not going to just settle for someone either. I want the real thing no matter how long it takes. Lonely: I dont want to be lonely. I cant stand the thought of having no one to talk to. Sometimes I want to cry becasue im afraid one day I will have no one (of course "I" cant cry ) No one to laugh with, to cry with, to vent to. I know its stupid. I have so many people who care about me and will always be there for me, but I just cant stand the thought that one day I could be alone.



what a waste:

I feel like im just watsing my life away. Everyday I wake up, go to school, and learn piontless things. WHAT AM I DOING??? I want to be out in the world, meeting people, starting me careeer, not sitting in a classroom rotting my life away. I want to travel, go to japan. Oh ya... I have to do these piontless things in order to make my dreams come true (that sounded corny). So I will go to school and be bored and learn things ill never use just so one day i cn do what I want. I just wish i was graduated all ready.



things I hate:

There are many things I hate but one thing bothers me more then anything. That is one people talk about other people. Hear i am siting in my class and people who are "friends" with each other are bashing the other because they arnt there. This gives me little hope for the world. Now I know that everyone needs to vent and that is ok, but only if u vent to ONE person and then you are done with it. Also if you vent but still have love in your heart for that person. I cant stand it when people bash others when they arnt there to defend themselves. Popel should follow the old saying , "if you have nothing good to say. dont say anything at all"



thanks for your time:

After reading all this im sure you all proably think im a nut job, which is probaly true. I just had to write it down. Its hard for me to write things down becasu ei am afraid others will read it (of course that is whta is going to happen with this). Some things are just to personal to let people know. Im trying to be more open though. There are still many things i will never EVER share with anyone (except god lol), but im trying. I always tell pointless stories to make people think im open, but im not. I wanted to write down this becasue the feelings about it is to strong. I fell liek im going to explode if i dont share it. So there it is, a tiny tiny glimpse into my mind.