It has been weeks since we've last spoken to each other, and save for the occasion question that you're alive, I've rarely had a thought about you. I've not cried any tears, I've never feared for you. I don't think I would even care at this point if you ever wish to talk to me again. has our friendship been spent? Has the fondness for each other that we once had faded away?
I take the time every once in a while to dwell on those questions. I don't mind so very much. Anymore it's just wondering if I should throw away all our letters, delete you number from my cell phone. It's all about the simple things. Tossing away pictures can be so symbolic sometimes. It's like we're erasing our history even though that's impossible. Still, it's a soothing thought after all we've been through.
At the moment, I am indifferent, indecisive. I don't know if I still care for you and I don't know how I'd feel if we really never did get back in contact. I don't want to act too soon, but I also don't want to hesitate. I don't miss you at the moment, but does that mean that later on I will? Why is it that feelings, even our own, are never straightforward?
I do want to say goodbye.
Sometimes I would sit back and think that even though we had our fights, it'd be better tomorrow. Even though you would annoy me to no end, we would have our good days. It almost went in stages. We could converse for hours one night but you'd call on me the next and all the magic would be gone. The show didn't go on. We would babble on, spewing nonsense that the other hadn't a care about. The discussion would get heated all of a sudden, and uncomfortable. Then I'd realize that I didn't want you back in the first place.
Time would stretch on. There would be the messages. You would attempt to talk to me, but I never answered you. Nothing you could ever say or do would get my attention. That was the beginning to the end.
We have disintegrated.
What was once a whole and healthy friendship is now nothing more than the remaining ash of a fire that has long since died. I have no regrets. I have let you go, and you will move on. Let go.
Goodbye, Anonymous.
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xx__A l e g r i a.:.:.
Alegria is a state of mind. It speaks of Jubilation, Happiness, Peace, and Serenity.
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arrow of chromaggia
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All I do the night through is dream of you.
And with the dawn I still go on dreaming of you.
You're every thought, you're everything.
You're every song I ever sing.