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The Black Abyss
Umm... This is really just the big, black, and depressing abyss that takes up the room in my skull...
Hmmm... Day after surgery? Eh, I can't think of a title....
Hmmm... I guess you could say that surgery went well. The doctor said that everything looked normal (it was just an exploritory surgery to see why I have the pain I do 24/7), but there was some suspicious spots, so she took some biopsies but we won't know the results for a month or two. I just wish the doctors knew what is causing all of this. It's been going on for over 6 months now, and I've been to almost every doctor, and they don't know either. I've had a bunch of scans and tests and everything, and no one seems to know what is wrong. I think I have some wierd illness that isn't detected by anything and that kills you slowly from the inside out. Desturbing, yes. What if I have cancer? Or can you tell by looking at something if it is cancerous or not? Eh, I don't know. On the upper hand-ish, I got some more medicine to help the pain when it gets too bad to bear. But I'm tired of taking pain medicine just to mask the pain for an hour of relief. It will always come back - no matter what I do... Some say it is growing pains. Some say it is my appendix. Some say it is girl problems. But seriously, it's none. The doctors have ruled out appendicitus a couple of times and they have ruled out the girl problems a couple of times too because the medicine they put me on gave me panic attacks. What a joy this illness is. I wonder if I can live with it the rest of my life... I've lived with it for 6 months now, and I think I'm getting used to it.

Maybe it's time to say what it is? I don't really think anyone would want whatever I have. When you eat, your whole stomach and abdomen cramps up really bad and it feels like a major league baseball player has hit you in the stomach with a metal baseball bat several times in a row as hard as he could each time, and it feels like that for a long time (if you are eating supper, the pain won't go away untill at least 3 in the morning). Then you have the side pain that is constant and never goes away. I don't really know how to describe that pain because I'm so used to it, but it kind of throbs as the day goes on and it is really sharp. Oh yeah, and if you don't eat for a while, your stomach feels as if it is about to explode. So you can eat and have pain, or you can not eat and still have the same amount of pain as if you just ate. And you wake up in the middle of the night with some of the worst side pains. Again, I don't know how to describe it because I'm so used to it. A lot of the time, you are parilyzed with pain, so you can't move because you hurt too much.

And amazingly through all of this, I go to school, do sports, work out, run... I do anything a normal kid would do. The only thing different is that a normal kid doesn't have the pains that I do.






User Comments: [1] [add]
FatherlandMann
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Wed Mar 19, 2008 @ 03:33am
I am sorry that you hurt, God has a plan for you, and you suffer for a reason, just like I sometimes suffer in my own way. I will pray for you. Does that help?


User Comments: [1] [add]
 
 
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