Read this or not, this is how I've been feeling ever since I met my x Cezar a.k.a [c h o p s t i c k s ]
Story: I first joined Gaia on Feb. 2005. Haha I had the most cutest avatar. A Kitty one, it was yellow. lol. I named my KitKat_Boy. Cause I liked KitKats. I met my x around the same month. In the casino, he just popped in the room!
I was so shy, I didn't really say anything to him. So I copy and pasted his username witch was Eclipsing_Soul.
Let me tell you something about his username. I LOVED his OLD username. It would help me alot. Everytime I was feeling sad or I didn't wanna do something..like homework. Then I would just look up at the sky, and look at the moon. Cause
the "Eclipse" made me think of the..Moon you know? Lunar Clipse..everything goes dark.
So I would just look up..it would make me feel he was here with me.
But he changed his name to
[ c h o p s t i c k s ] and I didn't like that he changed it.
Anyway, I messaged him. Alittle after. I just said hi and he said hi back. We had a long conversation. I think I quickly fell in love REAL love with Cezar. He was skinny back then
Now let me talk to you about that. Cezar WAS skinny and not like muscular. Then somwhere in 2007. He took STEROIDS. He tottaly after that got cocky, and over confident, it changed him he wasn't the same guy anymore.. It hurt me alot that he did that without me knowing.
Anyway..Me and Cezar hooked up on Christmas it was so magical. I loved him so much I never felt so much for one person.
Haha just..he..it seemed back then he loved me..but now like a year after our relashionship he changed it wasn't a dream come true, it was more like a nitemare.
He said he loved me..but..why would he do this to me?
Left me afew days before Valentines Day: Cezar Made a excuse that he learned to listen to words in his old relashionship so he broke up with me. I think he was LIEING. That was such bullshit. Seriously how would YOU REACT? I think he was cheating on me.
Got Drunk And Cheated On Me: I was in the shower and I was making my New Years resolution or whatever it's called. My wish was that Me and him would be together forever.. I came out of the shower got dressed and went to the laptop. I looked at my messages and I got afew from Cezar I read it and he said he cheated, and that he was drunk. He cheated with the person heretech. OH PEOPLE BY THE WAY IT WAS PHONE SEX!!! Now tell me.. He said he was drunk How can a drunk person use a phone? or even dial! I think he did it..all by his own. Don't YOU think so? I do. So far, he is a liar, a cheater, a drunktard, and a steroid using p***y.
Hurt me on my birthday: After a long while of being grounded from the laptop cause my parents found out I was into guys. >_< bad time of my life. I went on Gaiaonline and I looked at Cezar's recent login. It said August 18 now my birthday was ALONG time ago when I read that login. Plus he wrote a depressing thing about me in his journal I thought he killed himself or something. I was telling him to come back, don't leave me. I love you. so many messages I wrote to him Untl FINALLY I wrote one last message saying it was my last one to him, that I loved him always and such.
THEN OH SNAP! look who it is.. CEZAR WROTE BACK RIGHT AWAY. I was so pissed plus his excuse was "MY COMPUTER BROKE DOWN ON YOUR BIRTHDAY" oh my [******** god. that is the worst excuse EVER I let it go that day though.
Hurt my feelings, alot. & also made me jealous : Cezar always makes me jealous. Like this one time, he said there was a hot ******** chick in his class. I was like "......" quickly upset. He probably wanted HER more then ME right? tell me what would you of done?
He never said he loved me, or even cared when we broke up: You see Cezar and I broke up afew times I always cried cause I loved him so much, and I wanted him back. But HE never cried, or anything. He was so emotion-less. cold hearted. OH CHECK THIS OUT, he even..NEVER DID HE TRY TO GET BACK WITH ME. It's like he KNEW I was going to CRAWL back. And he never said he loved me at all, like I would say I'm going to sleep..bye I love you. and he was like bye. THATS ALL!!. nothing.
seriously, you think you know
Too Greedy, not romantic, ect : I would buy him gifts, just to also show him other ways I love him. I gave him monthlies. 3, or just 1.
What did he give me? oh he also asks.."do you want anything?" and I was like "no" DONT YOU ******** think I WOULD WANT SOMETHING TOO? By the way, he never gave back the Pixie I let him borrow!!!
End, and this is how I feel about Cezar from start to finish. I know your probably thinking "wow Lee really hates Cezar, he wrote alot of mean things about him.."
OH ********. MY BAD. HE HAS FEELINGS TOO!! ohh..wait no he doesnt..cause ..he never expresses them. neutral lol my bad.
Oh and if you read this Cezar, be mad, be sad, be angry, or don't care at all. I actually EXPECT you not to care, cause that is the person you ARE you take steroids, you got drunk WELL..thats what YOU said, you had phone sex with someone, you cheated on me on Valentines day, broke my heart on my birthday, & you always think I'm going to go with you for your "looks"..
Well let me tell YOU SOMETHING. BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP, ******** YOUR LOOKS. BY THE WAY ******** YOUR PERSONALITY TOO CAUSE..oh look! a Personality! and LOOKS TO MATCH. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE.
thats all you are and ever WILL be. to me. your dead to me. theres no way we will EVER get back together YOU HURT ME SO MUCH, AND YOU NEVER GAVE A DAMN ABOUT ME, YOU NEVER ONCE CARED ABOUT ME. YOU NEVER ******** LOVED ME.
so yeah..its completely over.
god..that felt SO good. I'm glad I got that out of my system. Friends..strangers..you see anger..sad..betrayl..lies..everything..
I can express my feelings on my journal, cause it's my journal ! blaugh so if you dont agree..then ok, if you agree then ok good..whatever. blaugh
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