I have found myself in a strange predicament.
I cant sleep
I'm tired but i dont feel like sleeping.
agh. my first ever case of insomnia. I usually go to bed at 10 or 11. I get really tired at 12 and just kinda doze off.
But now its almost one o'clock and I'm stuck on the computer entertaining myself by reading fanfics and whatnot. i guess this journal is to mark my first case. I can't help but wonder how long I'll be awake. Look at me paying attention to grammer when I'm usually asleep. But I guess this would happen some day, I always do have trouble falling asleep. I usually have to slow my breathing and meditate or something to sleep or wait until i'm to tired to think about sleeping. Wow. Anyone on Gaia can read this pointless journal about my sleeping disorder. Well I wouldn't call it a disorder since its the first time this has actaully happened to me. What's weird is that even if I go to bed at 8:30 on weekends I always wake up around 10 o' clock to noon, unless I'm woken by my brother pestering me to see what he accomplished on his video game. Quite frank I really don't care in the least what he did, but he's young and I guess I should make him happy otherwise he'll just pester me until I see. He's waited 2 hours before just to show me something completely common in the game. This really ticks me off to no end. I know what your game is about I've beaten it before stop pestering me. Hm. I seem to be using pestering alot. It's funny what you write about when you cant sleep. I'm getting alot drowsier from typing this journal. Maybe I'll do a journal everyday to help me sleep. I'll get alot off my mind so sleep will come sooner. My little sister woke up 10 minutes ago. I think she had a nightmare because no matte how much I shushed her she kept on crying. Shes a baby you see. finally about 2 minutes later my dad took her from me and put her back to sleep.
12:59 almost one o' clock.
1:00 a.m. I'm getting sleepier I guess I'll continue with this until my dad kicks me off. I've got nothing better to do. My close friends will porbably be surprised by reading this. I'm usually incredibly optimistic and energetic in the daytime and such words and sentence structures as I'm writing only exist in the back of my mind. But alone at night they burst forth. I wonder if It's snowing. Quite a peculiar statement but it does look like its going to snow. I'll go check.
1:03 a.m. No it is not snowing at all. Pity. I enjoy watching those beautiful sparkling flakes grace the ground and blanket the ground with their devine serenity. It seems that when I'm deprived of sleep the deepest recesses of my mind blossom forth. I should journal more often. Such beautiful words should not be deprived their page or in this case online journal.
1:05 a.m. This is becoming more of a log of every 2-5 minutes. Great! You can know all I did in my insomniatic night. I'm getting increasingly tired by the minute. Well.... not really...... I think I'll get a snack. Or maybe not. I never realized how much I love writing. With it's beauty for all to see and witness as words blossom forth on a page. Most people who know me probably don't know how poetic I really am. But then again I don't really show my poetic side to people. I'm too busy being goofy and random. However in my mind are the seeds of poety waiting to take full bloom! Wow. I feel like a crazy person talking to someone who's not there. Well. not able to see my words until After I submit my journal. This is my longest journal to date. It's the fifth one I've ever written in my life. Which isn't saying much. But for me it is because I usually don't get to write very often. I think this slight insomnia is taking a toll on my mind. I highly doubt anyone will actually read this as it is long and may seem excrutiatingly boring to some people.
1:12 Another log how fun. It's like a bunch of mini journals strapped together. my wrists are starting to cramp because I'm not used to typing such large quantities in such a short space of time. I'm just typing everthing that comes into mind, every thought put down in this journal that nobody might ever read. hopefully my freinds read it and understand a bit more about me.
1:14 a.m. I forgot to add the a.m. to the last one. Oh well. Does my friend Kat not like me. She never answers any of my pm's and hasn't been talking to me much lately at school. Kat if your reading this please answer me I'm concerned that you don't like me or something. If I did anything to offend you please tell me so we can make up. Although the chances of you reading this are thin. Almost 1:20. I'm gonna keep typing in this log until it is 1:20. my poetic side has come to a halt I'm afraid. I just type until I lose the will to do so. Ahhhh..... Though cold the winter is so refreshing. Most associate it with death but I find it beutiful and serene. But that has always been my image of death and now I cannot hold much fear of it. It's still there however everything dies and if death is as peaceful and beautiful as winter I will accept it when my time comes. I'm not saying I'm suicidal of course if thats what some people are thinking. I plan to live a bery long and productive life
1:20 a.m. I'm getting tired and my typing is steadily becoming more sloppy. So I'll keep typing until 1:30 and try to get some sleep. What to type, what to type? If there is anything you'd like me to give a mature opinion on. (Unlike my angry rants of course.) please tell me. I don't care if it's an emotional topic but try not to make it one because I don't want to offend anyone. My ideals are somewhat diffrent from others and I'll be completely serious. So just be warned that I'll be giving my true honest opinion and it might not be something you want to hear. I'm not saying I'm an athiest I believe there is a god out there somewhere. So don't get confused from previous statements. I think god only acts when he needs to but when this happens from the shadows so people dont grow to dependant on god. Why do I not say him or her? Because I don't know if god's a guy or a girl. My belief in god is very slim and I'm not very religious. The above statement is all I really think about god. So be mad at me if you will thats just how I am. 1:30 is 3 minutes away so i guess I'll wrap this up.
Sorry for anyone who might have been offended these are just my thoughts and my own ideals. I'm independant I base my thoughts off prior knowledge not what someone says something is. I like to form my own ideals and not follow someone elses. I hope you can understand this.
1:29 a.m. Its the one minute countdown to 1:30
I'd like to thank anyone who actually took the time to read this and I have one last thing to say.........
1:30 a.m. Good night! I'm done with this journal of my random thoughts. Oh and thank you Kristen for being such a good friend to me. smile
Yeah. just stuff. ranting and nonsensical garbage written out of boredom.