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My thoughts online
okay, so this is basically going to be all of my questions and my thoughts on a blog. It's pretty much what normal teenage girls think about I think. Or I might be a little different, but it's the same kind of idea.
Things have suddenly hit very fast. We could die tomorrow there are so many things that we can never do, We get upset over little things and we can't help that, because that's just how humans are. We spend so much time just wishing and hoping and dreaming about how we wish our life was different, how we wish we could change something about us and we don't DO anything about it and while we're wondering we don't notice how our life is rushing by and there is nothing we can do about it.

We always want the BEST in life and only the best, but sometimes we can't get the best and then we mope around for most of ourdays wish that we wouldn't, but it's what we do. Everyone has a dream, a want, need; we try so hard to get those things, and sometimes we ignore things, people who were once a big part of our life, they just seem to fade from our life. We look back, at old pictures, old friendships, old relationships, and wonder 'What happened? Why did they just leave? We were supposed to be forever, together forever, friends ever lasting... but where are they now? Was it me that pushed them away or did they push me out of their life? '

We may never know the answers to these questions, and frankly, you don't really want to know the truth. Upon thinking about old relationships we began to think about how we were when we were younger, how we could talk to one person and instantly become friends. Everyone wants to go back to that time, the time before gossip, before drama, before worries, the time of innocence. Wishing will never get anything done.

We have to go out and do something, If we die now, would we be satifyed with all of what we have done? No. We are never satifyed, there is always going to be something more, more things we want to do, more love, more laughter, but with more of these things there is also more hate, more disapointment, more things we can destory. Upon accomplishing your dream, you are crushing another's dream. Many don't realize it, but when you get that role in the school play, when a big break for you happens, helping you push your way along the long twisted roads of life, you are putting another person's dreams off track in to the wilderness to once again see the clear path that was so easy to see before. Maybe it was the last chance for that person, and they will have that dream shut down forever. Nobody likes to have their dreams crushed, but it is necessary for only a handful of people to get what they want. The rest of us will get enjoyment out of things that are small or big, and yet we still want more. We never will get it though. We will live, and we will never be satifyfed. Never once will we be truely content on what we've done, there's always something that will shadow over us, always something that we want to change, but can't.

Right now I am really confused about life, and how I'm living it. There are so many "bad influences" around me, even some of my friends aren't always good to be around. I've always only followed my own example, and been an individual, but the confidence that I have in myself that I can do that is beginning to fade. As I've been going through these early teen years, I've seen things, and known people that I wish I never had. But they have changed me, and without them, there are certain things that I would have never gotten to go through, most of which I wish that I never would have to, but it's a part of life. I'm losing my individuality, and slowly becoming one of a million. I used to stand out in my own way, but now, I seem to be subconciously too afraid to speak my mind, and be different. I guess that happens to a lot of people at my age, we all say that we're different or want to be, but it really isn't, we're all most a like than we think.

It used to seem like me and my small group of friends were outsiders to everyone else, 'cause we didn't want to be like them, and we liked how they saw us differently. It gave us a sort of confident hope that we would never have to change the way we were. I miss that hope. I'm losing all faith in myself. When I have talked to others about this, I almost always get the same response, "Who wants to be like everybody else?" well, turns out, a lot of peolpe do, actually, almost everyone, subcontiously does. I don't want to be one of those people. I want to live a life that is unlike everyone else's, like I used to during the sweet years of innocence. People change though. Friends grow apart. Tables turn. I have lost so many friends. Not really anyone's fault though. Everyone just kind of left me behind. I wanted to stay free and innocent, but they all matured. I didn't think it mattered much then, but it did. Those were the friends that I had known for years. They had stayed with me. Until then.

Why do we have to grow up? Everything starts to get worse when we do. I guess it's a good thing that I can easily just go up to any person, and say "hello", because that is how I met the friends I have now. My true friends. The ones who will really stick with me forever. The ones who enjoy their innocence, and will be happy to keep it. What am I supposed to do? I will continue to try to hang on to my innocence, I suppose. I'm fine with my friends leaving me behind to grow up, but I will always be where I am now. I won't be like everyone else. As a good friend once told me, "It is the individual only who is timeless. Societies, cultures, and civilizations - past and present - are often unable to understand outsiders, but the individual's hungers, anxieties, dreams, and preoccupations have remained unchanged through the years" Everyone seems different, but in my world I can't be like them.

My life is spinning faster then anyone can imagine. They think they have me all figured out, even more than I have figured out myself, but they're wrong. They don't know me at all. The person everyone sees everyday, and the person I really am, are two every different people. The only other person who almost understands my is my best friend. There are two different worlds, yours and mine. So far I've only let one person into my world, because she was going through a hard time, that seemed very like my whole life. She comforted me when I told her my story and she understands as little as I have told her. I AM two different people, I wish people would understand the true me, but that will never happen. People always expect you to be a certain way, and you will be that way as long as you're with those people. I have so many friends, but none of them are true friends, none of them know me, that is expect for that certain person.

No one really likes war (unless you're weird...) ,and so many complain about war, but do they really do anything? I was also guilty of this, but I stopped. Truth is, as much as we hate it, we have no authority over what happens in war, it just does. How can we live with this? We always complain about things that are irrelevent in others life; we, or people in my life, always say how we hate it when another person conplains about somwthing that is very small made big in their life, but we do not realize the we do it ourselves. How come life is like this? And truely, is life really suposed to be this confusing?

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  • 12/09/07 to 12/02/07 (1)

  • User Comments: [2]
    Community Member

    Fri Jan 04, 2008 @ 11:53pm


    Community Member

    Sat Mar 08, 2008 @ 02:09pm

    ... This is so true! I know exactly how you feel especially the 8th paragraph...completely.

    User Comments: [2]
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