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Well life is just weird. Everything is just spiralling around me I have no clue what's what anymore, or what I'm doing. It's like standing in the middle of a funnel looking up not sure if you want to run or stand there and let the damage happen that you know will, or see if you'll be untouched. Life is funny like that, but everyone changed so much. Some small changes, others more drastic changes, how does one keep up with everyone? I want to be there for everyone, but I also still want to remain me in the outcome, and not some broken shell again. Strong, ha! I'm not strong, I'm probably the weakest person ever. And still people think I'm so strong and brave, when basically I'm always scared half to death, I think the only time when I don't feel to scared is when I'm just writing, or singing to myself. Music is life to me just about, they express whatever mood I need them to, and can feel better. Music the universal language to all. I wonder how many days I simply just sung even just in my head just to live through moments. Strength, ha. I have no clue what's going on anymore, or even who I really am. Like always I don't feel good enough for anyone, I feel broken and like everything about me is wrong. Sometimes I wonder if people would just be better off without me screwing up their lives. I don't really help that much. Besides if I'm not here then I can't cause them any more pain or confusion to anyone. I don't know.... I'm so confused on life right now. I don't know if it's good or bad, if I should like it or completely hate it. A darkness fills my mind, my mind..... my prison I created to survive. But now what's to keep me to live and break out of my prison? So much going on in one little person, pain, anger, yet no one really knows the extent of it. I must be a pretty good actress if you can't fully tell how bad I'm falling apart inside and just see some sadness. I wonder how long it'll take before my world will stop breaking and cracking around me. Anymore and I'm going to fall through it's cracks and holes, then there's no knowing what will happen if that happens. I seriously don't know what's going on with me anymore. *sighs* I hate me.
Life gave me two road, so I decided to pave my own.
 Kiro_Kun15 · Mon Dec 03, 2007 @ 07:48pm · 1 Comments |
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