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Colleen's Journal.
Full of magically random things.
you know who you are
People believe that shunning me and throwing me aside and making fun of me will bring them closer by hating me together. well... ive lived through this before. drama drama drama... bringing up my bad traits to use against me... ok.... well fyi you all have bad traits too. no ones perfect. ppl believe what they want and theres nothing i can do to change that.
example. people will bring up me doing regretable things to try and hurt me. what is the goal? i just wanna know... colleen's mean. colleen says dirty things online. she said you make dumb excuses not to come to her house. colleen says you hit on her. colleen says your a whore. colleen is the whore. colleen's a b***h. i love nick(omg how effing irrelovent is that?!?!??!) colleen gave her number out to a guy she actually had feeling for and felt she understod him and vise versa. colleen's an emo. colleen is ugly. she is fat. her nose is kinda big. she acts better than everyone. she crawls back to her friends.

colleen stayed on the phone witth while i was lonely and actually listened when i explained i was lonely when i said i felt my family ignored me. colleen talked about ways i could switch her school cause i was having problems with people at mine. and from someone who probably wont read... "you are one of my friends. so many times i probably would have died and you talked me out of it. i consider you my best friend even though i hardly know you."

this doesnt apply to most people.

ive made mistakes in the past and there is nothing i can do to fix them. ive done things i regret. what do you want me to do? kill myself so i stop ruining your perfect air? its not gonna work that way.

cause even though i have many faults i can still sit back and have a nice laugh.
cause its so immature. and i can look beyond it all. its fun.... i may not get good grades but people have become so predictable. i love you all... even thoughs who hate me. cause its nice to sit and watch. its like you are putting a rope around your neck. go ahead and share some hate for me. in truth you will never really know me. people have known me for years and still dont know why i do the things i do. and i still dont know why everytime someone dies ppl start to hate me. it doesnt matter... my boyfriend apparently talks more to a person he told me he hates than he does me. i just now realize... life's veiw on social issues is stupid. you may have a good laugh with someone but... have you shared an understanding? i believe you dont truely know someone unless you laughed AND cried together. when my grandpa died i found that death is inevitable and painful but in the end its better in ways. i found out more about my family during taht deuration of time and i love him now more than ever. when my grandpa JOHN died i realized that everyone is always right. because it goes with their points of veiw. when his current wife refused to give back my nana's posessions she was clinging to what she had left of her husband. but on my famikly's side we were trying to get back the parts of our dceased family member as well. it all depends on how you look at it. there are some people you are just meant to stay away from. because your points of veiw will always be different.

anyway.... now i know a lot about human nature. and i believe a have a stable point of veiw in life.
the reason i cant hold a grudge is because i hate the feeling of tension. when your in a room and when they enter you just wanna leave. when they look at you, you wanna spit in their face.
how when they laugh you are tempted to mimic it because it sounds so horrid like a dog trying to barf.

anyway... gaia was fun in the beginning. it was 'great fun' but now... eh... the best thing taht came from it would be the few good friends i found.

i love ya adam and you can find me on MSN

i will split my remaining belongings amongst my donatores(unless they quit or are no longer on my list

and the reason im leaving is because gaia has turned into drama and ppl doing what they can to hurt me or w/e i dont care. this is my last sentiment.

stef and kylie congrats. you got me off a website razz

and right now you both talk about me and believe each other... trust me.. you may laugh at me but i am laughing oh so harder at you. cause now that im gone... whoes next?
gosh... i could write everything ive heard from each f you about each other but heres the thing... taht would mean all those days of church against gossip and the fact i matured faster in this subject...
i would just be taking a step backwards.
so tell everyone the truth among lies about me.
tell them im an internet whore.
tell them im emo
say i ate all the ppl shorter than me(which i did)
just tell them the opposite of what they know.
im positive theyll believe ya
and those who dont... are the ones i really wanna have a friendship with
kylie stop calling.you called me while you were talking behind my back and just PLEASE lose my number. stef dont try to talk to me like everything is ok tomorrow you have gone to far. holding a grudge is hard for me but ive never been so determined. if you were thinking youd just verbally hurt me then laugh and say "i was mad and kylie said so and so. i know you told frank to go read your comments. that shows you wanted to impress each other and others.
you say im pathetic? take a step back and think about all youve said to me. if it really had aprupose and what it would achive. stef you were fun and a good friend even though i have been misleaded many times and if you ever start to think for yourself then let me know mrgreen
i dont care at this poit who you turn against me. even if you manage to turn kailob against me i wont care now. i cant deside if im more disappointed or angry.
its funny though... you and kylie both sent me messages... you saying go away after asking a favor and her asking if i was really saying i hated her. i probably said i hated her while we were fighting in comments. i wont deny that because im not positive i didnt. and stef make up your mind. if we say your a whore youd laugh and if trevor said it you would say thank you. and now you decided youll be offended.... alright. just do me a favor and both leave me out of it. im not gonna play.

User Comments: [9]
Community Member

Thu Sep 27, 2007 @ 05:19am

oh... jeez. ummm. theres not much i can say. hmmm, there are no words for this. except the ones you wrote down... sad this will truly be a sad day on gaia, and on my behalf of it, i will post on my profile, i have lost a good friend and a very good classmate. crying i remember another close friend that left. Dr improveourselves. he helped out people. even me. i really wish you didnt have to go. -sigh- ille try to read thewhole journal and comment on it.... i am truly saddened. this is not a lie. ille p[ost on youre profile, R.I.P, and on my signature, which im changing to,

People that have been lost
~the people~ lol, well. theres not much more i can say. nothing can wash this pain away. its something i cannot bottle up. i am truly sorry.
ille forever keep you in my top friends.

im a person of my word. i alwaysam. and i forever shall be. youre leaving marks an apocalypse to youre profile. not an extinction. for i will post here and there. never forget who you are. never giveup on life, never turn youre back against true friends.. NEVER LEAVE ANYTHING! these are my words. and i shall stand by them. i wish you didnt have to leave. you shall truly be missed. log on please one day. so i can see all hope isnt lost. log in one day, to see youre cared for, log in one day to see somebody cares, log in one day, to know youre loved, log in one day, to see me there..... my hand is always offered, and always will be to you.......always.

a tear is dropping down my cheeks, another tear falls, then another. imcrying. i hate it when stuff like this happens. why does life end in it tracks? why do people fall on theyre backs? why do people perish, why cant i ever have anything to cherish?! ~i think i stepped over the line..~ why is everything being taken away?! why cant anything ever stay! now, o0nly my wrists shall pay. every time a person leaves i cut my arm. i cut my wrists, and i watch it bleed. i watch the blood drip to the floor, betrayelle and hateness is not the core.

Ungodly Visage
Community Member

Thu Sep 27, 2007 @ 07:05am

Colleen, i luff you, i wont let anyone chase you off gaia, its like you said to me, just put them on ignored and continue! also if you leave, who will talk to me about deep thoughts and feelings? your one of my really true friends and i wanna kill myself at the thought of you leaving crying

Community Member

Thu Sep 27, 2007 @ 09:06pm

Oh I'm so sorry, but you shouldn't let this stuff get to you. Your your own person, you shouldn't let people like this try to shape your veiw on life. I'll be honest, I'm one of hte 'Different' kids at school to. But I don't give a CRAP let the people who laugh at you laugh, just ignore it, I found the people I can trust and I stick with them. I found the people who don't care what you look like, they care about whats inside, and they don't need to insult other people to make themselfes feel good. You need to find the people who will stab you in the back for no reason what so ever, and stay away from them. I watched someone make fun of me and make other people make fun of me, but then I found the people who would encourage me, and help stand up for me. It will be sad to see you go, it was nice meeting you.

Constricting Comfort taught me literacy.
Community Member

Fri Sep 28, 2007 @ 02:28am

Awwww Colleen it will be so sad to see you leave gaia crying crying crying
well i still got msn right?
and facebook if you get it xd
well if you ever decide to come back i will always have gold in my account for you 3nodding blaugh
*Big Bear Hug* heart i will miss you on gaia! and so will many many other people!! crying awwww this is truley a sad sad day crying *sigh* well at least i haven't completely lost my sister biggrin
And thank you for the items mrgreen

XxYour Personal StalkerxX
Community Member

Fri Sep 28, 2007 @ 03:18am

thank ya kevin i found out you sent stef a message and i luff you.
but things are smoothed over with her. it was kylie lieing to her and trying to start s**t between us.


i hate her.....

Ungodly Visage
Community Member

Fri Sep 28, 2007 @ 01:08pm

Colleen...you were my last true friend, if you leave gaia then its going to be the end of me, i cant have friends in real life, and now im slowly losing my friends on gaia too, i cant live without friends, i would be nobody, i would be a ghost, without friends i cant see myself, i cant see any happiness in my life.

Please Colleen, stay on gaia, if i lose you, then im going to kill myself...

Community Member

Sun Sep 30, 2007 @ 01:40am

...I'm gonna miss the hell outta you.
lmao.I'm sorry to see you go, but just know, that if you ever come back, not only am I gonna give you a shitload of stuff but I'll bring you an nice yummy village of people!!teehee. heart I lurv ya,I hope you can come back eventualy, even if its annonomusly..
bye bye!!

White Ice Fang
Community Member

Mon Nov 19, 2007 @ 12:55pm

im sorry, im truly am
i regret it... i have been away for so long that you have dropped me off your friendslist, i feel i can leave you, for good this time, but if you had seen the time on that it was quiet some time, so now, if any of the things were related to me , i didnt mean it, i was angry...not with you.

XxYour Personal StalkerxX
Community Member

Wed Nov 21, 2007 @ 09:33pm

ooohhh yeeaaah... i got my password to work again...

User Comments: [9]
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