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I seem to remember some movie my friend Mark liked, I THINK that was the name, can't be completely sure. Things were a lot simpler back highschool- work, girls, video games, golfland, sleep. If we are products of our pasts, then I should be a lot more FUBAR then I am right now. Not that I had any traumatizing experiences back then ( save for one when I was 15 ) but MAN was I a lot different then I am now.
I was such a horrible person to women back then, typical jealous type of boyfriend that yet, always cheated on his girlfriends. Though I am truly regretful for the things that I did, I don't feel as if retribution to it's fullest as swinged my way yet, or that essence even half. I never did believe in karma, but the world does have a way of going " HAHA you thought" often. So when when the universes vengeance on me come to fruition? I don't know, but when it does hit, it's gon'na suck. Or is it possible that a person can atone for the deeds they have done? Of course, if your a believer in god ( which I am ) these is one of your core values. Yet, how can atonement co-exist with justice? Are there exceptions? If I have learned nothing else from gaia, it's that there is.
Now, of all places for me to have this arguement today, I had it on WoW. For all you who know what I talking about, it was an instance run, Blood Furnace. During the run we somehow got talking about signifigant others, and I of course was honest about my situation, which to be expected, recieved some vexing feeback from the group. So what did we do? Argued for a solid two hours on the matter, never coming to a compromise but rather " Can we get this over with?". However it did make me think. The morals and idioms we establish for ourselves are heavily reliant om laws ( and don't act like it isn't), so we have these pre-dispositions about certain situations, even refusing to talk about them at the mere mention of it. So when DOES a law become something more then a law? When does it become a state of mind? Who is to decide wether someone is of sound mind to make judgements concerning their personal lives? When they are 18? OR when they are of sound mind. The fact of the matter is, I am dating a 15 year old when I am in fact 20 years old. A few years ago I would react to this as most people have reacted to it, but I have been taught otherwise.
If someone so influential can exist that she can change the way you think, this person ought to be given attention don't you think? I never expected it to happen, I never though it was going to happen, but it did. I was blessed with a wondrous gift of foresight unlike any I had known up until this time. Everything was suddenly different in my mind's eye. All these syncracies which I held dear to myself, were cast away so that I may be with her.
I find nothing wrong with this.
We are as much a product of our surrounding as we are a product of the people we meet. There can be no compromise if we do not see eye to eye at this moment, because a moral is not something that can be argued and changed in an instant.
Perhaps you though, will someday find your influence, and understand that I am following the path not out of spite, anger, or dissonance. I am following it because I choose to. I am loving her because I can.
 Tobuketsu · Fri Sep 07, 2007 @ 10:34am · 2 Comments |
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