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project shadow1337's Journal
This is my journal, i keep my thoughts here about people and my life. Feel free to talk to me if you wish.
Probably the Light Trials of a 16 year old
Life tends to be a pain from time to time. But, define pain. What is pain other than just a personas view of what they feel when something happens to them. For instance, a girl gets hit in the leg with ball and says "OW". she experinces pain. Now put someone who has built up a really thick skin in the lace of the girl when they get hit by the ball at a same velocity and weight. They say nothing. So is pain nothing more than an application of the theory of relativity? Perhaps pain is nothimg more than what a person calls uncomfortable. So from time to time, we experience this discomfort, and no doubt it tends to be a bit annoying, thusly causing small pain. HOwever, i did not type to talk about pain, i can to talk about confusion about life. From time to time, i remember the little boy who thought rationally a few years back about relationships and emotion... Why could he make it so easy? I thought of this for some time and only up till now (the moment i typed the question) did i finally see the answer. I wish to get into a relationship in order to avoid seeing others experience pain. Amazingly enough there is a connection that clicked in with that. Do i see a girl who likes me, and is without relationship, and wish to take her up on her proposal just so that she may not be in pain? I have yet to be in a ralationship and yet there are too many questions staring at me in the face. I have already predicted the answers to the feedback. Most likely some will say "hey just wing it, dont worry about the answers and live it on the edge" or "that's a question you'll have to look into your heart for". Luckily another "me" has spawned into existence of my mind in order to prevent such answers from overlaoding the fragile state of my consciousness. Yes, i have within my mind several different voices which i have given an attitude, a personality, and a heart to. No i am not crazy, in fact these 4 (yes count em 4) girls project the other sides of my personality outwards into my conscious stream so that i can have pure rational thought. Perhaps now is not the time to get into detail about these characters which i have thankfully assigned to existence. If this seems odd to you, think of it as an improved version of the little angel and devil on your shoulders, FAR more improved. NOw where was I?....oh yes my current status. Within the past few months, an event happened which did not turn out well, it in turn upset my mother and put everyone in an ackward position. Since then i have reovered from the incident. I have followed my mothers advice since day one of my birth, but now as a teen i seem to question what to take and what not. One woman, whom i know, have had a crush with, and gotten over, and since then all hell has breaken loose, has been misenterpreted as the bad side of my mother... It's almost as if it were a cold war for the woman i know is not liked by my mother for more than one reason she sees. Complicated no? Well she would like to get back onto my mothers good side, for what reason i seem to know, however i sense a far deeper meaning to her actions..if only i could put my finger on it. Now onto the next condition, i am 16! WOOHOO...right? Not exactly. Sure, 16 is a wonderous age of being able to drive a car legally and gain more gifts and maturity, however for my case, there is an added little bomb, just ticking away at my face. Perhaps if i were to explain it to you. Back when i was a 14 year old freshman, i met a girl (traditional yada yada) Well she liked me, and i liked her (i think, i still have yet to decipher this whole relationship thing) so we were at some point between friendship and the next step. However, another girl i know found out. Apperently she had told me before that she liked me, and ended up in tears. To skip a couple chapters, i put up a 2 year barrier that i would not date until 16. So now i'm 16, and hell will resume.... and a cannot date some of the top girls on my list for reasons by my parents and friends. HOnestly, one girl my friend, and parents, see is too obsessive. ONce again my bluntness has either saved me or caused trouble for i have yet to see the obseessiveness within that girl. And the other my mother sees as too sexually based (worldy as she puts it). Being an obedient child, i have to swollow this advice and reconsider my options. There will be a lot of PAIN associated with this. Beleive me, i do not wish to make bvroken hearts... i don't like it one bit, to see a girl cry because of something i did or someone else did and i cant do a thing about it..... Gains mention me in your prayer that i shall muster the courage and strength to pull off the next few months without shedding a tear, for the pain would be too much for anyone to suffer.... School-wise, my grades are improving with each day, a very good sign. And ADLA will end as of the 11th of may 2005, good riddance i was getting tired of people not likeing my attitude and the leaders not acting like leaders. I mean sure band is a great experince, but once you enter the drumline, its nothing but assholes (excuse my language) who think they're hot stuff. Regaurdless, i did enjoy spending time with them and peforming the show tetris which got us regional championship. YEAH BABY! Now onto gaia, iot seems that 16 would also work for gaian dating... ha like anyone would do that! Excuse me while i got life on the floor at my dorkiness.........OK back, now where was i, oh yes, gaian dating, i'm available but i doubt getting taken. Ok enough with that part. Friendswise, i have some of the best kickass friends here! And the list gets bigger! I love you guys with all of my heart, thank you for stickin with me and listening out and performing roleplays, you guys all rock and deserve a big hug and a pat on the back for being such good people. Thank you for reading this all the way through, dont feel afraid to post comments and i'll give you a hug for listening out. "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Greenday is playing on my comp right now, though the title tends to be negative, it's a song of boldness and being able to face dangers of life alone. Very good song! Well till we talk next time!
Love your fellow Gaian
Project Shadow1337

project shadow1337
Community Member
  • [07/03/05 03:30am]
  • [05/24/05 06:55am]
  • [05/11/05 04:34am]
  • [02/06/05 02:21am]
  • [12/03/04 01:55am]
  • [10/13/04 03:15am]
  • [09/25/04 02:12am]

  • User Comments: [4]
    you have alot of time on your hands, don't ya? yeah, i knew it... and you type alot..

    comment spellstutter · Community Member · Sat May 14, 2005 @ 09:26am
    Wow, eek u write a lot.Well just typin cause, i always read ur journal so.....yea.
    ((BTW, i love that song!!))

    comment ~Homicidal Marshmallow~ · Community Member · Mon May 16, 2005 @ 04:13pm
    You seriouly think too much. *has headache from reading your journal*

    comment Dollottie · Community Member · Fri Aug 19, 2005 @ 05:32pm
    *argees with Necco* Green Day is much over played though, well, it is now atleast. *looks at time difference*

    comment spellstutter · Community Member · Fri Dec 30, 2005 @ 10:39am
    User Comments: [4]

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