So LIKE, I'm like "This would makez the best Pokefanfic everz" and like so wanted to write a crap one. NOW. scream
Operation Paradise Sidequest Chapter: Roaming Legendary Pokemon No More!
"You know what I hate?" Meta asked in an overly flamboyant way (he had the lisp and everything). Everyone decided to ignore him because he was to METRO for their taste. He curled up in his chair and began to cry.
Kurai looked around and waved her hand, "Know what I hate, guys?" Again, no one said anything because they were all busy being idiots.
Avalith was trying to pwn Yuki and Night at Super Smash Bros. Melee. Ash!Boulder was rolling all up in Kye's spot, while Lyurii and Athena were talking like civilized peoplez. Daruki was off in the corner of the room, reading a specific doujinshi, Jirachii was poking King's back repeatedly, and Missy was doing her best to comfort Meta.
Floe and the rest of Kurai's IP pals were in the other room of the OP Paradise hotel, trying to smoke. (It wasn't going too good). Lynx, Shnakeh, Kris and Exsel were planning out leet strategies to pwn the next trainer who dared challenge them.
AND GOD, THAT PISSED KURAI OFF. "LISTEN TO ME, YOU INGRATES!"
"Shut up, Kurai." Jirachii was rewarded with a shoe thrown right at her face.
Avalith, who had just lost the match, sighed, "What do you want Kurai?"
"Suicune, Mesprit, Latias, Latios, Raikou, Entei, Cresselia. What do they all have in common?"
Every trainer/leader/E4 in the room thought it over for a moment.
"They're annoying?"
"They look like you?"
"They're cute?"
"Fwee?"
"They're all a bunch of freakin' retards?"
"...They roam around?"
"OMG, Daru, you're SO smart," The IP leader said, rolling her eyes. "Can't believe you're the only one who caught that. Well I just got a report from one of my grunts that all seven of them are on the move across the country."
They all sent her the 'WTF DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH US?!' look.
" ...It's time for payback. We're going to split up into group and pwn their asses."
"Why?"
"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Kris, stfu. Okay, here are the teams," She pulled a sleek, IBM laptop out from her LINK'S MAGIC BELT and a projector screen. After 20 minutes of setting it up, the slide show was ready.
"D: OMG, EPHRAIM/INNES!" Meta screeched, covering his eyes. "Get it off! I H8T3 GAY SECKSORZ BUT I LURVE YURI! OMG, NUUU!"
Then Ash!Boulder rolled up on him and beat his a**.
After his a** got beat GUUUD, the slideshow flipped three slides in (after pr0n pictures of Ike, Tana and Zelos), and showed the team split up:
Team Smartass: Kurai, Jirachii, Yuki, Avalith, Daruki, Night and Meta.
Team Who cares: Shnakeh, Lynx, Missy, King, Kriss and Ash!Boulder.
Team There's another Team?: Lyurii, Athena, Exsel, and no one else.
"Bring your strongest Pokemon ballz, guys, and make them SUFFER. Team Smartass, we take the legendary dogs, currently chillin' near Mossdeep. Team WC, you take Mesprit, Latias and Latios. They're near Rustboro. And lastly, Team TAT, you take Cresselia. She's somewhere! OKAY TEAM!"
"ROLL OUT!" Shnakeh finished, flying out the window with his team in tow. [They probably died because they're on the 100th floor]
"[INSERT FIRE EMBLEM PHRASE HERE]!" Kurai and her Team kicked down the elevator and shimmied down the shaft.
"FWEE!" Lyurii, Exsel and Athena walked down 343090 flights of stairs.
Floe plus the Team IP members all overdosed on PCP.
----
Cresselia was currently listening to Oops I did it again! via cheap .MP3 player from Wal-Mart. "OOPS I DID IT AGAIN! I PLAYED WITH YOUR HEART! SOMETHING GAME! BABEH DOGZ!" Her head was bobbing straight leet as she floated around, knocking over people and Pokemon along her way.
Then she ran into a brick wall. WTF?! Cresselia thought, her headphones falling off.
But wait! It wasn't a BRICK WALL! It was HOSHI NO KENTA WEARING A BARBATOS COSTUME! a group of three ridiculously dressed people (what are they, Power Rangers?).
"POWER RANGERS! I AM GREEN RANGER, LYURII!" Said Green Ranger did a flip and posed while the old PR theme song played in the background.
"POWER RANGERS TIME FORCE! I AM PURPLE RANGER ATHENA!" She twirled around like an a*****e.
"POWER RANGERS NINJA STORM! I AM DARK GREEN RANGER EXSEL!" Said ripoff ranger did a peace sign.
...
Cresselia quickly flew away at top speed (2 MPH), but it took the PR 12 minutes to realize, so they had to chase after her.
---
~Somewhere over a lake near Rustboro~
'What is this?' Mesprit telepathically asked its new companions, twincest Latia/os.
'It's a permanent marker. I hear humans get all high off it. We should try~'
'Shut up, Latias. You don't even know what getting 'High' is. Well anyway, ME-SPEAR-MENT, you're supposed to shove it up your nose. ...Do you even have a nose?'
The future drugies of Hoenn (FDH) were immediatly interuppted by a loud boom box playing a song in the shubbry: "TRANSFORMERS! ROBOTS IN THE SKY! TRANSFORMERS--"
"Shnakeh, would you SHUT that thing off?!"
"Don't tell me what to do, Kriss!"
"b***h, PLEASE."
King stepped out from the bushes, taking a dramatic pose with Pokeball in hand. Ash!Boulder rolled out, and dropped straight into the water (so Missy and Kriss had to go save him). Lynx rushed out and threw her Pokeball, along with King and Shnakeh.
"GO! DUSK BALL!"
"Repeat Ball!"
"Get it, quick ball!"
All three Pokemon went into their ballz, and it shook two times. And, lyke, POP!
ARRG! IT WAS SO CLOSE!
Wild Latias, Latios and Mesprit fled!
Lynx cleared her throat, "...So, Shnakeh, want to go to the local arcade?" She muttered, pointing off into the distance.
"Yeah, let's go, man."
So the SHIPPING TO BE ON GAIA skipped off (they tried to hold hands, but then Karel jumped out of the bushes and stopped them).
King was stuck with Kris, Ash!Boulder and Missy. "..."
"Uhh...Amelia's really cool." Kriss brought up.
King, Missy and Ash!Boulder nodded in agreement, and started talking about Cynthia.
---
~In Mossdeep~
TERROISM!
Team Smartass, unlike all the other teams, were smart. Really smart. So they started to cross borders by using surf. After the 100th cross, the three Winds appeared before them.
ENTEI! LORD OF THE VOLCANOES!
SUICUNE! LORD OF THE NORTH WIND!
RAIKOU! LORD OF BULLSHIT!
Of course, like every other team, they had an opening theme:
"I AM THE ONE! HURH, I AM THE ONE!"
"DIGIMON! FOREVER UNITED AS ONE!"
"DIGIMON! TOGETHER THE BATTLES ARE WON!"
"DIGIMON! THROUGH US LET YOUR SPIRIT EVOLVE!"
"IF WE'RE ALL FOR ONE WORLD, THERE'S A WORLD FOR US ALL! IF--"
Meta was the first one to realize their failure, "Hey, where did they go?"
Avalith, Yuki, Daruki, Night, Jirachii and Kurai decided to ignore him and went back to singing. "AAAALLL DIGIMON!"
"Hm? It looks like the Winds have dissappeared." Yuki pointed out, tapping Avalith's back.
Night nodded in agreement, pushing the blond out of the way. "True that, my friend. What should we do then?"
"I need to go take a dump." Kurai and Daruki proceeded to throw Jirachii back into the ocean.
The blue-haired IP Leader put an arm around the trainer's shoulders, "Dude, let's SO be ghey together for the next three minutes."
"AGREED. Steven Stone's in that house over there. We should go." They both ran off, and Meta's head exploded because of their ghey hearts and s**t. Jirachii ended up drowning; the last image in her mind being Ike secking up Soren.
Avalith--being all responsible--went to go attend to local Pokemon contest. Yuki (however) had to go and save Jirachii while Night went for some late night romancing.
---
By the time the teams reached the hotel, most of them were drunk as hell. 'Cept Ly's team.
They all ran up the -2139-1203-1239123- steps, yelling at every Pokemon trainer who dared to get in their way. They noticed, after they got to their HUGE room on the 100th floor, that it was filled with smoke (remember, PCP?). So, that's when Athena pointed out they were at the wrong suite.
A DOOR OVER...
Kurai, Daruki and Jirachii were busy staring at a video they had taken a few hours ago of Steven doing a strip tease, with Wallace sitting on his bed.
Avalith was telling Yuki about how the Cannon-Canon worked.
Exsel was trying to save Floe and the other's from their PCP overdose.
King, Night and Kriss went out for some more LATE NIGHT ROMANCING.
Ash!Boulder was kicking Meta's a**.
Missy was trying to save Lyurii from Athena.
And finally, Shnakeh and Lynx were surfing on the internet, pwning n00bs in Pokemon and telling them that their movepools did, indeed, suck.
20 days later, they all built a machine (excluding Meta and Ash!Boulder), that found all the wandering Pokemon and destroyed them. Then they all became enemies again.
After that, Giratina Shadow Forced Kurai, Dialga stomped the s**t out of Meta, Palkia kicked Night’s a**, Groudon sat on Lynx, Kyorge rolled onto Shnakeh, Ho-Oh burned Daruki, Jirachi b***h slapped Jirachii, Lugia Aeroblasted King, Suicune bit Avalith, Metagross landed on Exsel, Geodude touched Lyurii, Blissy slapped Athena, Pikachu stalked Missy, Volkner molested Kris, and Yuki escaped everything because he’s leet.
THE END.
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surprised Yes, I am aware that the Transformers song was wrong.
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meta out