I wish I had a better sense of where I stand with people. Sometimes I think I’m trying too hard to be closer to people who don’t see anything with me. They seem to talk to me, hang out with me, etc., but they appear to tire of things fast and lose interest.
Then there are those I feel are more or less using me. We only have certain common interests, and they’ll hang out with me for that, but otherwise they don’t really feel like calling me friend. Some seem to have a hard time talking to me about anything outside of our common topics and when I try to travel to other things it’s silence with them, doesn’t even have to be personal or something I haven’t seen come up with other people. Something as minor as current events.
I think I can read who my true friends are, but for all the rest I sometimes wonder if they even really like me. I shouldn’t bother with it if they make me feel that way, but it’s only how I feel, and I know I’ve had experience reading people wrong.
I’d like to see them try though if they really feel I’m a friend. Stop having me carry the conversation, when I ask things not having anything to ever say to me. Especially if I’ve mentioned how I want or see us as friends. It wouldn’t be the nicest thing, but if it’s not the same, say so.
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I think these feelings led to this dream I had. In the dream I was at this spa like place with my best friend, some people she knew, and some people from a club I'm in. We were all waiting for certain activities like the salon and such to become available, hanging out and talking.
At some point it came to my attention that there was this computer I was supposed to enter my info and the things I wanted to do. No one, including my friend who had been to this place before (you know, in the dream) told or demonstrated this to me. Then some of the girls proceeded to mock me.
As I went over to the computer my frustrations built when there were hardly any services I wanted that the spa provided and I realized how many people I would have to wait for. Then one of the girls that knew my friend sort of physically assaulted me and I shoved her into a wall breaking her nose.
Next thing I know this lawyer is picking up this friendly conversation with me about the out of control lawsuits of people like celebrities. I had a feeling he was her lawyer. Then I woke up... pissed.
I find a lot of times I wake up with much of the attitude my dreams give me. I don't know what that's really about, but I really have to focus on the fact that it's a dream to let it go.
I think I have a problem letting things go. But sometimes I wonder if it's something I need to let go, or something that needs focus. You can't just look at a problem and say because it's a problem let it go. I can't tell the difference between what I have control over and what I don't, and I dwell on a lot of things I have no control over.
LadySapphire · Sat Jul 28, 2007 @ 02:08am · 0 Comments |