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Ever have those times ya kinda just go with the s**t and let the days pass... I'm getting that.. as I realize I may be spending my last year here.. I feel, in a sense, lost... I don't have control over my life anymore. At least I don't feel I do... and what happens when I don't have control? I sit back and let the chips fall where they may.. and clean it up later. Not a healthy way of dealing with stuff but it's a way none the less, neh?

Moving on.. lately I've had some funky dreams. let's just say it runs along the lines of violence and children, mind you I do have a babysitting job lined up soon... so that's never a good sign, neh? lol.

Eh~ Again.. despite the signs and wary feelings.. I'm going ahead with it anyways. I guess you can call it decisive suicide. I often do it when I'm unsure.. just.. close my eyes and push myself forward. Kinda like when I'm stuck on a roof. (yes.. we don't have ladders, so we stack things... and I don't trust that.. so... I literally push myself off and worry about the landing.. when I land... Wreckless yeah.. but whateva razz ). Hopefully I'll find comfort in where i'm at sometime.. but at the moment.. I'm free falling to hell and I'm running out of ideas... Sucks neh? lol. Ah well.. I just felt like writing in this lmao.

Sore Ja! ^_~