Dear Miss Betty, [my new journal name starting form today!]
I have been feeling pretty down. I have a fantastic boyfriend! The problem is... I feel like he doesn't even care about me. I have always felt lonely during these 15 years. But this year, which happens to be my 16th, has been the best and I have my fantastic boyfriend to thank! He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he's the type of guy that encourages me, the one who would always look for the solution.
But little by little... I get hurt... or dissapointed. Is it wrong for me to want him to call at least... I don't know...? Once a day? At least when we don't see eachother. I keep making the phone calls all the time. Am I really the only one who really cares? I was about to make another phone call until my mother stopped me. She told me "Don't call him! The ladies always have to wait for the boys' call." Sadly, that call never came until I was the one who dialed the number. And when I'm free the whole day and he has nothing to do either, he doesn't even mention anything like "Do you want to see eachother?"
Why am I the one being romantic? It's like he only looks at me as a friend. I can't take it. This is the first relationship I have ever been in, serious or not. And with this experience, I discovered more about myself. I discovered that I am a needy person who clings too much, a hopeless romantic. I told him I was going to go clubbing this Saturday and he said "Okay. Go ahead." Usually, he'd be irritated. But that simple reaction kept me happy because it let me know that he still cared.
Sometimes, I actually think I'm better off without him because being this dependant hurts. I don't like being dependant on people and this year, I have been the most dependant I can get. But when I think again, maybe... This has been the worse year of my life.
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