Geez, I'm sorry, it must be so hard for you, me being the way i am.
I must be such an inconvenience. It can't be nearly as hard for me.
I mean i just have to live with this.
You have to see it.
********, im sorry my existence is such a drain for you.
And it doesn't matter what i do I'm still wrong
I do nothing and carry on, not reacting and trying my best without any support and you have to jibe at me. telling me how awful i am, how hideous i am and how i need to do something.
I try to do something and you cut me down for that too. Telling me im a waste.
I hate you for this, really. I don't say this often and I never thoguht I could hate you but in this moment, i hate you - i really hate you.
I want to scream and make you hurt. I want to make you pay for your perfect existence. Where you get what you want, where you think your so hard done by.
You walk past and they gawpe, in awe of you. You demand and they respond instantly, they all fall to your feet
and im in your shadow. perpetually outdone by your perfect, flawless image of feminimity. So serene and so untouchable.
So far above me.
Something to be trodden on. I know im just something for your convenuence. Someone to use and mould. Here to do your bidding.
I'm tired of getting it wrong. I'm tired of living in your shadow and never being good enough. I just want to please you and yet it's impossible.
I'll never be good enough for you. You will always have worked harder than me, been better than me, had a harder lot than me and deserved more than me in your eyes.
In your own perception you are perfect. So much higher than me.
Well im so very tired of it and theres just not much more that I can take.
I can't handle you anymore.
I can't take your s**t.