The more I live the more it seems I want to die. My life just seems to be an endless circle of despair, unhappiness and quite simply Crushed Dreams.
I've been playing World of Warcraft, it takes my mind off of life. Its a place, similar to what gaia used to be. A place where I dont feel I stand out. Sadly, life seems to make me remember just how shitty my life is.
For this past week, I have seriously considered swollowing an entire bottle of sleeping pills and vodka. I would stop breathing, and leave this horrible world. Last night, I tried to say my final goodbye to the one person I cared about. I worried that he would do something stupid, or think that I left him.
He talked to me about how he was feeling, and I decided to postpone again. I've stopped cutting. I dont want to feel anything anymore. I dont want to feel pain, or guilt or jealousy...... not happiness or even joy.
I dont want to exist.
The only thing that can make me smile is that one night wish josh and the mdma. We were putting up the curtain and well something was a little exposed wink
It makes me laugh thinking about it... but only for a short time before the tears return.
Crushed Dreams · Sun Jun 17, 2007 @ 12:42pm · 4 Comments |