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i might just be running
well lets see.
well i'm 26 and my mother, who i have to say is very traditional.
Still won't let me out of the house.
we've gotton into serious arguments,
and yet i still can't bare to leave my home.
So now i've decided it's time that i left this horrid
prison and go explore what the world has to offer me.

How am i running you ask?
well easy. i'm trying to get as far away from my
family and my boyfriend.

you see being first generation here in California makes my life hard.
My parent still think of the traditional way of raising me.
well i find it hard to live by.
Her idea is that i will only be allowed to move out when i marry.
Although, i don't see it that way due to the fact i grew up here.
There are few who completly agree with my mom, and others that believe that i should be out on my own.
but the question always come down to this
"why don't you make the choice in moving out? your an adult, she has no real say in it"

she really does.
See at the age of 22 i fell for the buying you a car trick.
Where they get you a brand new car, and she makes you pay the payments.
However, the payments take up most of your check. Hmm....what does that leave you?
Really nutin huh?
even with raises other expenses come up so
I have more than just my car payment, therefore i end up with just enough for necesities.
Plus gas prices here aren't helping one bit

I also find my mom to be quite irritating.
i have never heard of someone calling one person to tell them to call another person and to tell that person to call them.
i find that quite annoying, and she does it quite often.

Oh and did i mention i have a younger brother who is 22?
he is the worst slob ever!!!
he uses my facial material so i end up buying more
than what i use.
He gets away with pretty much anything, and i take the blame.
I complain about him to get him back but as usual it always comes back
at me.

i know i'm not expaining it very well, but it's like having someone get away with murderer. And that someone killed that person right in front of you and the other person. But all fingers point at you even with evidence.
That's what i'm going through.
Nothing makes since.

To top this off my boyfriend for four years
don't even listen to a single word i say.
I tell him that i feel that the communication in this relationship
is horrible, and that talking about his work all the time bores me.
I also dislike the fact that he is no longer romantic and complains about being
tired. It's like he was the only one who worked that day.
He makes me feel as if i have to be his mother, to tell him when to shower, and when to get ready for bed, etc.
I'm soooo blunt with my boyfriend, and yet he still doesn't listen.
I tell him when i'm sad, and why i'm sad. I tell him why i feel the way i feel.
But i'm completly tuned out. And when i do get his attention he doesn't want to talk to me.
i love him, and we've been together for four years. But this relationship to me has
reached it's peak, and the only direction to move is down. Especailly, since his life evolves around his work.
and yes i have told him this. This topic has been brought up countless times and yet i get no reply.
I don't know how to break it to him that i'm leaving out of state.
but i know i have too.
I've been holding and taking days off for him, when he won't even take a day off for me. I've lost alot to be with him and i don't regret it.
Not one single bit.
But now ...i'm going to be selfish and do something for me.
And only me, not for my family and not for my boyfriend. But for myself.
i feel as if i'm running away from all this, but most of my rl friends have told
me that i need it.
But they all agree i'm running away.
i['m just posting this to vent a little.
Makes me feel a little better.
I don't expect others to understand, and i definitly don't need your sympathy.
I'm really fine.
I'm just makeing a big decision in my life that i should of done long long ago.
Yes there are other things that bother me, but these two are the most annoyingist
stituations that seem to keep pecking at my brain.
thank you for reading and listening to my horrid complaint.

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