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donnie's Journal ilove music !!!movies


donnnie
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3 comments
~~~death in the brightest~~~
silent tears, and whispered cries, of thoughts i thought i left behind, looking at these painful eyes, making everything so unkind, words that just cant be said, makes everything become confusing, and everything seem so dead but to the sick mind this is amusing, and yet you try to ignore, and hold all of it inside, but the thoughts come back just like before, and now this cant be put aside, as your heart begins to race, and now you begin to cry, sweat drops down your face, you know its your time to die, and without any sign at all, you feel no more pain, and now don't seem so small, everything has now drained, you are free, and now everyone will let you be....




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User Comments: [3]
shortie_devil
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comment Commented on: Mon Apr 04, 2005 @ 11:35pm
dude wat r u talkin abt u look weird stare , anyway i rock this world and the under world. biggrin


comment Commented on: Fri Jun 17, 2005 @ 09:34am
This looks more like prose than poetry. It even feels more like prose than poetry. Your diction is a bit trite, as is the subject. It reads like prose. Erratic spelling and grammar. I'd say that this work needs serious revision. You might want to scrap it and go back to the drawing board.



The Krause
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savedbythedevil
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comment Commented on: Sun Jun 19, 2005 @ 06:12pm
i think that its kewl. it speaks to me. i like it


User Comments: [3]
 
 
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