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May something, wait a sec the 14th,

so yeah to day was much better, I see things getting better and that makes me feel much better. without you life is rlt dark, this way I can see again, we're getting there, like what between 70-80 %? at least a 60% right? though I"m slightly annoyed about thursday...I was rly hopeing for a walk down memory lane but oh well...but the lieing thing... I mean I just dont get you sometimes.... Though I know that you promised Jess... and I'm kool with that...but would things have changed if you didnt? I wish I got why it matters... this all is so confusing, it goes against everything you've ever said, but if you say you have reason to believe such things then thats what I've got to believeas well...it be nice if I knew what I was beliveing in though...

Ever night I dream about how it would be if it didn't matter, if it just was. but everytime we get close to it, it slips away... it be a nice way to finish out the year... but I know it wont happen. but that's what I dream for, that and peace of a steady future, or for the most part stead anyways... we had part 2 planned. maby part 1 will work. on va voir.

lol I'm late, that was so ******** funny. it would be a nice future though, maby it is the future... minus the drinking thing hopefully... or maby not, not if i get pics.. jk,I'm no perve, no minus the drinkng thing... thats the kinda story I'd love for us....

* I knew the lights of the city were to heavy for me... and I saw god cry in the relfection of my enemies. All the lovers with no time for me, and all of the mothers raise their babies, stay away from me. and pray they don't grow up to be... *

Just so you know, rantrings aside I'm so glad that things have calmed down. I love you Mae. and I'm just tring to fiugure a way for eveything to run smoothly. We'll get there in the end you'll see. oh and baby girl if you figure out why it matter plz tell me, aight? J'tamie mon amour heart

oh and ps. sorry about tonight, Iwasn't ignoring you the pm system whent offline so I was unable to continue talking to you, I sugjesated that you go in msn but you never returned to the riders thread so you never saw, plz dont hate me for it.