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| Will you help Voxxxie fix her poem? |
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| Total Votes : 6 |
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 Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 2:52 pm
Hey guys! It's Voxxxie again, and her rhyme is off. But she can't seem to figure out why. Any suggestions?
*Bold indicates messy spots.
Her eyes were blue and gold her curls,
And she set out to change the world
Her mind was sharp, her voice like honey.
Her guiles and jokes were always funny.
Her dress, oh! What a sight to see,
As she emerged from her climbing-tree!
Disheveled, wrinkled, distressed was she.
Oh dear! She cried with all her might.
The sun was shining very bright.
The leaves were green, the flowers nice.
The yard was still, no cats or mice.
Or parents, yet, no soul to see.
So she went down to the library.
With a too-eager look in determined eyes.
She’d show the world that she could fly,
Fulfill her dreams and reach the sky!
She’d scale the heights, touch the stars,
Climb the tallest monkey bars.
She tried that day, with all her heart,
But however nice, however smart,
She found no answer anywhere.
Not right here, not over there,
For all the books she looked in,
the answer wasn't there.
“Oh, please, kind sir!” came her sad words,
Tumbling out far too quick.
“I’ve searched in every book around!
I’ve taken every lick!”
The old man’s eyes, not satisfied,
Remained so deep and calm.
Surely, thought the young girl,
They’ll solve my every qualm.
Right she was, for he then said,
His eyes now lighted bright,
He’d found her counter, stopped her stress,
Her answer found with no duress.
“My dear,” he said, a sage of men.
“I’ve solved your every qualm.
And now if you will simply
suffer me to see your palm.”
Perplexed she looked, she wondered why.
Would this help her reach the sky?
“My hand?” she said in lee,
“Oh no, my dear!” He laughed aloud.
“You’re climbing the wrong tree.”
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 3:57 pm
Well, Voxxxie, you know all the right words. And you rhyme very well.
It's a little awkward, though.
"Her guiles and jokes were always funny..."
YEah, that's weird....
and....
the little tree bit doesn't really coincide well with the next stanza ("with a too-eager look...)
Well, maybe it does.
But I really like the end!
Hee hee...
it makes me laff. 4laugh
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 1:35 pm
I like the poem but i cant write it for you.
But i can tell you that in bold the first line could be rewritten with scare instead of there. Also second bold could be rewritten with distress or caress.
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 8:11 pm
Awww! That was cute.
She found no answer anywhere.
Not right here, not over there,
For all the books she looked in,
the answer wasn't there.
The third line is fine, I think. How about this for the last two lines? (Or something like it, if you don't want to use mine directly)
She'd looked in every book she could,
But it had done no good.
The others...I'm stumped. Play with them for a while. Re-word whole lines if you must.
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 9:29 pm
I feel mean.
Poor Voxxxie's best friend was her harshest critic. ):
Can I go back to smileys?
mrgreen mrgreen mrgreen mrgreen mrgreen mrgreen
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