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OMG OMG OMG, my idea is so great, I think everyone who reads this, including pro-life lurkers should give me 1 k gold at Gaia.

This is not for everyone though.

Ok, so you accidentally get knocked up, right?

You have at least one pesky pro-life idiot who wants you to keep your baby, despite any reasons you have for deciding abortion. These assholes will not stop at harassing you about their higher moral standards and the inherent preciousness of life and about condemning your sexual lifestyle. You might have a lot of pro-life idiots swarming around you.

If you have the abortion, these assholes will just harass you harder. Or even do mean s**t to you in the "name" of "pro-life". Who wants to live with such pesky assholes?

Why not exploit them instead? biggrin

Decide to have the baby instead. And keep it, don't give it up for adoption. Don't worry about how much a hassle this will be, you will read on to see why.

For this, you need to hire a very, very, very good lawyer to draft a contract. Don't worry about the costs now, because that lawyer's visit is going to help land your feet in easy street from here on out.

Have the lawyer draft a very well-planned, well-executed contract that will essentially get any pro-lifer who signs the contract to provide for the child you birthed in any way, shape, fashion, and form you desire. That includes financial support, yet no protective rights for the same pro-life assholes since they are not the actual parent of the child. True pro-life people wouldn't ideally mind signing it because their hard-earned money would help prevent children from dying.

Now, instead of just trying to dodge a pro-lifer or two whose involved in your life, ardently meet as many pro-lifers as you can get. Go to conservative churches. Go to pregnancy crisis centers. Don't get too gutsy about your pro-choice views, act confused and scared instead. Act concerned about the future of the child and your inability to raise it, yet don't let them bring up adoption because you can pull the excuse that you'll be emotionally bonded with the child once its born. Then let them share their views. Just tell the pro-lifers that you thank them for sharing their views about pro-life with you, and you would like them to sign a contract/petition to confirm that they are pro-life (instead of pro-choice), that their pro-life views are inspirational to you, and that their decision is influential in helping you keep your child.

Hand each pro-lifer you know a copy of the contract, which they are expected to sign soon. Chances are, people don't read contracts, and if they do, they don't read them well enough to know the full legal implications that contracts involve. A well-done contract is supposed to look confusing and lengthy to read anyway. If you are in their presence when they receive the contract, they will likely feel pressured to sign soon.

Let them sign it.

Don't forget to have a full first and last name, and any type of contact information like an address, or a phone number, or an email address.

Then, after you have your child, don't pay any bills involved with it's care. Or, pay the bills that you can, but keep all receipts and records. Politely ask each pro-lifer that you encountered if they could please help raise the baby you have kept to term. If they say "no", or if they try to point you to welfare and social services, get your lawyer involved. Tell them that if they don't pay up 10,000 dollars U.S. in order to shut up and pay for current damages now, then you will have to take them to court on the terms defined in your contract (which is bent to your utmost convenience and self interest, even making the pro-lifers pay for your legal attorney fees). 10,000 USD is the bare minimum that a lawyer will care to fight for you over in court, so if you DO have to take a pro-lifer to court, you should be motivated to sue the living s**t out of him/her, at least over 10 grand. Also, while the 10,000 dollars is for getting them to compensate you for current damages, a well-written contract would make it that you could still sue the pro-lifer for FUTURE damages!!! pirate

The more pro-lifers you have, the more of a chance you'll take a couple to court. The more $$ you get, the more hassle-free to raise a child it will be. You can get a house in a safe neighborhood, a reliable form of transportation, food, clothes, furniture, school supplies, future college funding, baby-sitting money, etc and your stress levels will be a lot less than other mothers. Let the pro-lifers bound by contract take care of your child without actually owning it.

If we hear more of this s**t on the news, maybe pro-lifers in the future would be a little more quiet concerning their personal moralistic views.

If only such a contract could be upheld in a court of law!

I somehow imagine it'll be overturned as an illegal contract (on par with selling yourself to slavery, or a marriage contract guaranteeing sex once every night... they just don't allow those contracts to exist). sad

Reality! Such a cruel mistress.

How would they know you're pregnant unless you tell them? It's your business and your business only. It's not like people can take one look at you and be like, "YEAH. She's preggz!" early in the pregnancy. Can't you just call the police for any harassment, though?

I guess if pro-lifers want the woman to go through the pregnancy, then they should be the ones to pay for the child and the woman's health since they care so much. Too bad they don't do that. =/

The wrong people don't have to be told exclusively by you that you are pregnant- loose lips sink ships. Also, sometimes the wrong people are those closest to us- the boyfriend, the parents, his parents, your extended family, your trusted counselor, etc.

Sometimes people can just look at someone and tell that they are pregnant. But those cases usually are those later in the term, not beginning.

Maybe the woman, upon walking up to the abortion clinic, is being barraged by pro-life people. An ample opportunity to get them to sign a very expensive contract, that is. wink

Adoption is not good for the mother because you are essentially asking her to hold her body hostage for 9 months without no compensation for her hard work and troubles. It would be asking her to be a baby-making factory for free. Plus possible bonding after birth would make it an even worse decision.

Adoption is not good for the child for the obvious, many reasons that we've already covered.

The welfare and social services system suck badly. Only the poorest of the poor get help, many other poor people who need help badly are turned away, the amount of help given is very minimal, and it takes a very long time and it's a long-winded process to get help. You are assumed to be lazy and a freeloader if you seek help from them, which is patronizing.

The contract would act as a financial safety net for the child and indirectly to the parent as well. It would force pro-lifers to be serious about their political decision when it has serious financial implications.

Women, and especially mothers, are among society's most weakest and vulnerable members, by knowing the legal system and playing it out, there is more power to them. Not enough women have a handle on the legal system. It's no wonder poverty is more "feminized".

If that were actually legally permissible, I would be vindictive enough to do that myself -- well, if I were actually capable of going through such experiences in the first place.

I would milk those bastards for all they were worth -- I think it is only fair. After all, what is money to these people when compared to the life of the fetus? They should be thankful, and I would expect that they show their gratitude via paycheck -- big paychecks.

I think this is something that should be done by a pro-choicer who is planning on having the child, anyway, because NO child should be stuck with a parent who doesn't want him/her.

In a few years, after I get married, sign me up!

-A pro-choicer who is planning on having children in the future.

Yeah, going the legal route isn't exactly the highest ethical standard route to go...

But Grippy, that's too haarrd! Why do you want to force responsibility on the poor innocent lifers? Why do you want to make us into humanitarians? gonk

It's amusing just how many lifers think all they need to do to save a "baybee" is scream at a couple "sluts."