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 Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 12:55 pm
He wakes up in the morning
Looking for something to do
Expecting just a normal day
A day of nothing at all.
When he stepped out side
Everything was wrong.
A man walks up to him
Pulls out a gun.
All he heard was,
"Bang-bang"
Two shots to the head.
People dropping left and right
As he ran through the town
With echoes of just 2 sounds,
"Bang-bang"
Two shots to the head.
He can't take the images of loved ones
With holes through their heads
Or some with no head at all.
As he slowly falls into insanity
The last thing he hears is,
"Bang-bang"
Two shots to the head.
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Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 1:15 pm
I liked it. The repetition of "Bang-bang" / Two shots to the head. was really effective. It is very straight forward, not getting lost in metaphors and such, which with this story line, works really well. Great job.
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Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 1:24 pm
wow.. that is very nice... the writing not what happens O.o ....
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Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 2:04 pm
Ooh, a show stopper. biggrin My favorite!
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Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 4:21 pm
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Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 4:41 pm
......O.o
what the heck?
I mean, it's good. It really is. But...what's the story behind it?
Today is a day of stories behind stories. Yup, that it is.
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Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 6:00 pm
Wow, this is awesome... I love the rythm and how the last stanza ties into(and effectively concludes) the other parts of the poem.
You should get a shiny penny.
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Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 6:01 pm
So wait?
He got shot in the head?
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Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 11:20 am
This was umm.. interesting to say the least.
Not sure I caught onto the flow of this piece though.
It seemed to concentrate more to the words of the story
then a perfect flow, which is perfectly fine.
Though the fourth line in the first stanza..
was nothing but awkward for me.
Maybe by rewording it it may sound better.
But seeing is that the writing of this was good I have nothing else to say..
Well except that Im glad your back.
You havent been around to much. 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2006 11:02 pm
I really liked this and it was very captivating in a strange, hypnotic way. It also had a kind of rythym ((not sure if I spelled that right)) to it.
I liked this! ^_^
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Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 8:46 pm
I know I haven't been around much lately, but thanks for the comments and whatnot!
I've been really busy with writing, school, and trying to balance all this out.
But anyway, the story behind this is that it came from a dream of mine after a very long and stressful day. Sure, the last stanza seems a bit forced in my opinion (probably because I wanted to end it quickly to get that dream out of my head), but I'm content with it for the moment.
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 2:49 pm
i love it ..especially How you used "Bang-Bang To the head" 3nodding I give you two thumbs up!!!!! heart
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Posted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 4:32 pm
ooohhh. nice.*death* love it. twisted
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