HELP!!!!

[Ace_Of_Swords]

Okay, the love of my life has just given me a choice. He said that I have two options. My options are to;

1. Promise him two things:
A. To throw my knife away.
B. To be more appriciative of him.

2. Break up

We have been a couple for a year and a month now, but I don't know.

My reasons for not promising.

A. My knife is a reminder of my past and not to make the same mistakes twice. A whole three years of my life lies slumbering in the knife and I cannot throw away part of myself.

B. I told him before we started dating, I have gotten rid of my emotions and am currently trying to get them back. I cannot simply snap my fingers and bam, I have emotions again. It takes so much more.

Comments Please!!!  

[Cataera]

I know this may sound silly, but perhaps in throwing your knife away, you can start the healing process. You've been with this person for a year and a month--right? That is a long time to be with someone and then just have them walk away. Another thing that you might consider is how much this person means to you. Even if you do not believe in marriage, can you still picture the rest of your life with this person? If you can't then my quiet suggestion would be is to just walk away. God either gave him to you to fix the brokeness, or he is testing you. It's all in what you believe. Also, have you prayed about it? smile  

[Ace_Of_Swords]

I'm sorry, I have trouble praying. I have tried to pray, but I'm going through alot right now. It's getting better, I went from not praying at all to trying to pray. He has proposed to me, but I don't know what to say. I'm still just in High School, so we can't have an acctual wedding until later. I haven't answered yet, but you do make a good point with marriage. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I really do, I want to grow old with him, I can't picture my life without him. God sent him to me, to help me, but I can't except the help if I don't want it. I am so confused. I think I will do more than try to pray tonight, I think I will. I need God more than ever.  

[LittlePinky82]

I think you should tell him what you did in your post about why. I think it's unfair of him to not remember your feelings in all of this. I do think he's sincere and he cares about you but you should just either sit down and talk to him or write him a handwritten letter (no Email) and explain what you just said.  

[LittlePinky82]

When you mentioned God bringing him to you perhaps this is why. Perhaps if you do throw away the knife it's as what the other poster said. Maybe instead of a real knife you can have a picture? Or he can be your reminder of what all you've over come.

Crimson_Enigma

I'm sorry, I have trouble praying. I have tried to pray, but I'm going through alot right now. It's getting better, I went from not praying at all to trying to pray. He has proposed to me, but I don't know what to say. I'm still just in High School, so we can't have an acctual wedding until later. I haven't answered yet, but you do make a good point with marriage. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I really do, I want to grow old with him, I can't picture my life without him. God sent him to me, to help me, but I can't except the help if I don't want it. I am so confused. I think I will do more than try to pray tonight, I think I will. I need God more than ever.

 

[Ace_Of_Swords]

LittlePinky82

When you mentioned God bringing him to you perhaps this is why. Perhaps if you do throw away the knife it's as what the other poster said. Maybe instead of a real knife you can have a picture? Or he can be your reminder of what all you've over come.

Crimson_Enigma

I'm sorry, I have trouble praying. I have tried to pray, but I'm going through alot right now. It's getting better, I went from not praying at all to trying to pray. He has proposed to me, but I don't know what to say. I'm still just in High School, so we can't have an acctual wedding until later. I haven't answered yet, but you do make a good point with marriage. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I really do, I want to grow old with him, I can't picture my life without him. God sent him to me, to help me, but I can't except the help if I don't want it. I am so confused. I think I will do more than try to pray tonight, I think I will. I need God more than ever.

Maybe you're right. I have alot of thinking I'm going to have to do. I may not be on for a couple of days. Thanks for the advice you two.  

[Gaara Sarcasm Kyo]

Cataera

I know this may sound silly, but perhaps in throwing your knife away, you can start the healing process. You've been with this person for a year and a month--right? That is a long time to be with someone and then just have them walk away. Another thing that you might consider is how much this person means to you. Even if you do not believe in marriage, can you still picture the rest of your life with this person? If you can't then my quiet suggestion would be is to just walk away. God either gave him to you to fix the brokeness, or he is testing you. It's all in what you believe. Also, have you prayed about it? smile

I agree with Cataera!  

[Ace_Of_Swords]

I just got back from talking with my boyfriend. I am so scared, I don't know what's wrong with me. I was talking with him about our relationship and explaining how important the knife was to me, he said I could keep it, but he wanted me to clean it. I said I would agree to the two promises, but then I asked him something. I can't remember what, but something I said came out wrong and hurt his feelings. We got in an argument and I just started crying for no reason, I couldn't stop. I held the phone to my ear and just kept crying. I cried for an hour and thirty minutes, just holding the phone. I couldn't say anything, everytime I tried to say something it came out as a sob. I was choking every time I opened my mouth.

I think I was having a panic attack. I told him what I thought about the relationship, I remember something about me saying a waste of time, I think he took it the wrong way. Then I asked him if he still wanted to be my boyfriend, he said no. I then asked are we over, and he said yes. I wanted to hang the phone up, but I couldn't because then that would make it final. I just held it and cried. I started shaking and rocking back and forth, trying to make something come out of my mouth. I couldn't say anything. My boyfriend asked me what was wrong and if I was okay, but I just shook my head yes, I couldn't speak, and he couldn't see me shaking my head. I don't know what's wrong with me? I don't know what happened? Someone please tell me what happened.

My boyfriend and me are still going out, but I'm so scared. I was so afraid of being alone, of going back to the way I was three years ago. I am afraid of myself, I don't want to be alone. I can't be alone or I will go back to the way I was. I know it, that's why I was so upset. That's why I couldn't say anything, because I was so alone. It was just me in the world, all alone, by myself. I...I...I'm so scared. Someone tell me what's happening. Someone tell me what's wrong with me? Please....someone...anyone.  

[Jenniferlynn]

Crimson_Enigma, I know how you feel. I have been there and I am still going through it. It will take time to get over what happened in your past. You said you want to grow old with this guy then you need to tell him if he does not know what happened in your past. Maybe he can help you out in some ways that noone eles can.

My boyfriend of a year and three months just told me that I changed in over a year. When I told him what happened to me he felt bad and promised me it would never happen again. I also started talking to God about how I felt and I was affraid of losing my boyfriend and how I felt like God had sent him to me but why I was unclear. My boyfriend and I are still together although he is not sure why he is staying. You see I did change over the time we were together and it hurts me to admit that I have been wrong in a lot of things.

My boyfriend knows that I have tryed to take my own life he saw the knife marks and the blood on my shirt. It is old but he is afriad I will do it again. So I told him since a friend gave me the knife I was not throwing it away but I let him hide it in the house and it sits where he put it and I do not go looking for it. He knows if I get sad I will look for it so he keeps moving it just in case.

When you love someone you need to think of how they would feel if you left them. YOu say you do not want to be alone, what do you think you boyfriend thinks of when he sees the knife. Yes he knows it is part of your past. What if he thinks that you might hurt your sefl with the knife and he will lose you forever. You said he proposed to you but you did not answer yet, does that show you he wants to be with you forever???
No matter what the knife means to oyu about your past is it warth losing the guy you love and proposed to you???? Ask your sefl that question and then if you think it is then the guy is going to be very said because he lost you and it sounds like he loves you alot.

Let me know how things go for you. I might tell you what happened to me nad why I tryed to kill mysefl but right now I have to go catch my bus home. Later.  

[Ace_Of_Swords]

Thanks for commenting, it means alot to me that people care. I talked to him today and the situation is better, but it scares me even more to know all my happiness is rooted to this one person. I told myself over and over that I was alone, but whenever I truly was, I broke down. Am I crazy? I mean I cried so much and so hard over him. I really do love him and I couldn't live without him, I just couldn't. After the three years I put myself through. With all the cutting and drug abuse, and the atempted suicides, I really had nothing left of me. I had nothing that made me pure and innocent, that made me worthy of living. All I had left was my virginity. I gave that to him also. I gave him everything I had left of myself. I gave him the only thing that kept me pure. I gave him all I had. I care about him so much, I just can't live without him. I am afraid to leave him because he has the only thing I had left of myself. And it hurt so much to be so alone. I'll never be okay, not after yesterday. Never.  

[Dessona]

Crimson_Enigma

Okay, the love of my life has just given me a choice. He said that I have two options. My options are to;

1. Promise him two things:
A. To throw my knife away.
B. To be more appriciative of him.

2. Break up

We have been a couple for a year and a month now, but I don't know.

My reasons for not promising.

A. My knife is a reminder of my past and not to make the same mistakes twice. A whole three years of my life lies slumbering in the knife and I cannot throw away part of myself.

B. I told him before we started dating, I have gotten rid of my emotions and am currently trying to get them back. I cannot simply snap my fingers and bam, I have emotions again. It takes so much more.

Comments Please!!!

Ok, so i would like to start by saying that i think it's cool your taking time to seriously think about your choices, understand that your BF cares for you if he is giving these choices to you and he porbably has your best interests at heart. Hopefully wink .
1a: The knife.
So you're saying that this knife is a reminder of something you don't want to be again right? And that when you see it, it helps you stay away from your past and all your mistakes. Ok i get that. But do you get the fact that Jesus Forgives all of your sins and that he carries your burdens and your past so that you don't have too?
Do you understand that God fogave all that you did and when you are close to temptation, he is only a few words away?
Do you understand that having this knife is constantly reminding you of what you did wrong and probably makes you feel guilty of whatever it is you did?
GOD LOVES YOU AND DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SUFFER THE GUILT OF BYGONE SINS.
That is the most important thing to remember heart .
As for 1B:
Tell him to appreciate the fact that he has someone even willing to consider the fact that the love of their life gave them two decision to alter their relationship instead of breaking up. Most people would breakup if their partner even suggested "options" for their relationships.

 

[cherrybomb420]

heart if he wants you to give up something you need so you dont make the same mistakes twice and thinks you should worship the ground he walks on hes not worth it. I just broke up with my boyfriend of the past 3 years for giving me the smae opptions  

[Ace_Of_Swords]

I always thought I was strong enough to stand by myself, but the things is, I'm not. I cannot be alone or I will go back to the way I was. I will revert back to my old ways of hurting myself and doing the wrong things. I cannot break up with him, I cannot have him break up with me. I can't be alone.  

[Skeleton Bart]

I read this post two days ago. I have prayed and this is what i have to say. You probably have a guy I would discribe as a winner. He is trying to help you get farthere away from who you were. Before i got saved I was a terible human being and i hurt alot of people who are close to me now. When I gave my life to Christ a got rid of every thing that was influence to who I had been. If you have accepted Christ you need to turn from everything you were and probably need to get ride of that nife. Also Christ will never forsake us and he will always put in our life what we need not to forsake him if you will just pray to him. I will continue to pray for you. God has placed your plit in my heart.  

[Ace_Of_Swords]

Thanks it means alot to me to know that people are trying to help me. I'm crying, you honesly don't know how much it means.