I don't think it's Titan in the ceiling. Yeah.

[Xiporah]

It'll be one year on Jan. 20 since Titan escaped. And Feb 1st will be one year living in a dark, pissy smelling basement ceiling. He's almost 100% using his litterboxes now. He has two down there and seems to use one exclusively for pee and one for poop. He seems to scent mark the basement door once in a while, which is easily handled with a damp rag, some bleach and some water.

But here's the thing. I don't think it's him anymore. I don't think it was ever him now.

It's definitely an all black cat. I've actually seen the cat out in the open a few times and it certainly looks like him in the time it took for the cat to freak out and skitter up the boxes and into the ceiling.

But recently I went down and saw the cat's tail hanging out of the ceiling and was able to just get a good chance to look at it with a flashlight.

Titan has(had) a majestic as ******** long, fluffy black tail. Super long hair. It was like a mop.

The tail hanging out of the ceiling looked like a short haired cat's tail that was puffed out from anger and fear.

I'm so ******** tired. I don't even know what the ******** to do anymore. I do nothing except put food down there and clean the litter. I can't deal with this anymore. I want to catch him and get him chip scanned to see if it's really him, but at the same time what the ******** am I supposed to do if it's not him? Am I supposed to just let it go in the 10 ******** degree weather? Send it to a kill shelter to die and then be thrown on a pile of dead cats? Send it to an overbooked cat rescue that isn't designed to house or deal with ferals?

Pretty sure Titan is dead and this is some random cat I caught and desperately saw as Titan because that's all I ******** wanted.

And if it is him? What then? I don't have the patience or tenacity to do anything good for him. It's been a year now and nothing has changed.

I don't know what to do. I'm so ******** lost.

So I let him stay in the ceiling. And I pretend it's him.  

[Confectionery Puff Rock]

you know, while I had a cat for a short while he would always bolt for the door any time it opened. We would grab him and bring him back in.

Currently there are some cats living under the house and there are several cats running around the neighborhood.
I definitely had dreams in which I found out one of the times we brought the cat "back" in it wasn't him. Just some other random cat that happened to look like him. And sometimes while I was actually awake I would look at him and wonder if his face markings were always like that.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I think if I was in your position I would do the same thing you're doing now.
I'm just really, really sorry. I wish I could help or say something more helpful.  

[Undecidability]

I remember when you posted about how differently his behavior was, I kind of wondered if it was a different cat? I didn't say anything because I figured it would make me sound like a d**k. A feral cat would definitely act different than a domesticated one.

That really sucks. I would have no idea what to do, either. I don't even know what to wish for you? Neither of the outcomes (whether it's him or not) sound good.  

[Xiporah]

I just need to get everything out of my old bedroom (it's mostly clear but there is a bit of junk, mostly storage now) and just retrap him and put him up there.

At least there's natural sunlight and a window up there.

But ha. I've been saying that for months now.