Requesting Advice

[WindWife]

Really long story.
Short version: I met this girl online we became really good friends (about a year ago) then we dated online (she lives in Italy) and then I broke up with her because she wanted me to drop my life in America and move in with her (she doesn't have a job and still lives with her parents and doesn't plan on moving out ever). Which was incredibly unrealistic of her. Which I told her. I was planning on leaving because she "couldn't live without me" but was taking it to the extreme.
She begged me to stay saying she could be friends so I've been her "friend" for about 6 months at this point.
About 5 months ago I started dating this guy in person and it's been made very clear that she hasn't gotten over me in the romantic sense.
She gets mad at me every time I hang out with him or don't answer her texts within the moment after she sends them.
So I tried for a while just not to tell her what I was doing because it isn't really any of her business but yeah. She just gets irractionally angry at me and starts guilt tripping me with things like "you don't care enough", "i gave my life up for you and you don't care" "I love you and no one else will ever love you as much" "i'm obviously not good enough"
I addressed her hosility towards me and my boyfriend and she reacted terribly though it was expected.
I told her that if she couldn't try to coexist with my life and my decisions without guilt tripping the hell out of me that I would try to remain friends with her a little longer.
This conversation happened 2 days ago and she's already passive aggressively guilt tripping me on our social medias that we follow each other on. She says things like "you don't know what you want" "you better think twice before you give someone your all because they'll ******** crush it" etc etc.
It's not like I don't care about her but it's gotten to a point where I believe the relationship I have with her is destructive, abusive, and most likely toxic, to the both of us. Every time I try to convince her that I still care for her she puts on this fake face and says "oh I know" but later I see her posts that state the opposite.
I plan on breaking off contact completely, but this time I don't plan on giving her time to respond to my final farewell, because that's what got me last time.
But I don't know when it should be.
Help?
Just general thoughts on the whole situation?
Am I being too harsh?  

[Professor Cypress]

No, you're right to do so in that manner. Just have a final word with her, let her know that you mean it this time, and ditch her. You don't need anyone that can be counted as THAT toxic and emotionally manipulative.

Her time has passed, from what you made it sound like, she refuses to grow up in the slightest.

So my thoughts on the whole thing is to definitely drop her.  

[WindWife]

Professor Cypress

No, you're right to do so in that manner. Just have a final word with her, let her know that you mean it this time, and ditch her. You don't need anyone that can be counted as THAT toxic and emotionally manipulative.

Her time has passed, from what you made it sound like, she refuses to grow up in the slightest.

So my thoughts on the whole thing is to definitely drop her.

thank you for your answer ;~; i've been struggling all day with it.. i know it needs to happen but i couldn't figure out how or when.
with more time and people agreeing with my opinion about what needs to happen i've finally made the choice to go through with it tonight.  

[Professor Cypress]

Punkyheart Kittieh

Professor Cypress

No, you're right to do so in that manner. Just have a final word with her, let her know that you mean it this time, and ditch her. You don't need anyone that can be counted as THAT toxic and emotionally manipulative.

Her time has passed, from what you made it sound like, she refuses to grow up in the slightest.

So my thoughts on the whole thing is to definitely drop her.

thank you for your answer ;~; i've been struggling all day with it.. i know it needs to happen but i couldn't figure out how or when.
with more time and people agreeing with my opinion about what needs to happen i've finally made the choice to go through with it tonight.

More power to you. But definitely, the sooner you make that closure the better, BEFORE she tries to do something or say something dumber.  

[colon bracket]

You are definitely not being harsh. I think you're being really kind, actually.

But you need to stop that, because your kindness isn't working. Delete her from your life if she can't accept the fact that you've moved on. Her jealousy and inability to be happy for you shows her immaturity in this whole situation.

You're right, she was being really unrealistic when she expected you to drop your entire life and move into her house with her parents. Now she's the unrealistic one again. You broke up ~6 months ago and you're pursuing a relationship with someone else. The end. Her opinion doesn't matter anymore because all she's doing is making you upset and anxious.

Life is too short for that. Putting up with her manipulative behavior and passive aggressiveness is unnecessary. Cut her out. Remove her from Facebook or Tumblr or whatever social media she's using to harass you.

If she can't respect your space and your decisions then you do not need to be friends with her in any aspect.  

[adorkapple]

colon bracket

You are definitely not being harsh. I think you're being really kind, actually.

But you need to stop that, because your kindness isn't working. Delete her from your life if she can't accept the fact that you've moved on. Her jealousy and inability to be happy for you shows her immaturity in this whole situation.

You're right, she was being really unrealistic when she expected you to drop your entire life and move into her house with her parents. Now she's the unrealistic one again. You broke up ~6 months ago and you're pursuing a relationship with someone else. The end. Her opinion doesn't matter anymore because all she's doing is making you upset and anxious.

Life is too short for that. Putting up with her manipulative behavior and passive aggressiveness is unnecessary. Cut her out. Remove her from Facebook or Tumblr or whatever social media she's using to harass you.

If she can't respect your space and your decisions then you do not need to be friends with her in any aspect.

~An apple a day

The post above has pretty much everything I wanted to say about this.
I wish the OP the best of luck dealing with this person - she seems like a real challenge to contend with. Cutting ties with her might feel hard, but I, too, think you have been exceptionally kind so far and should not feel the least bit of guilt for pursuing your happiness and distancing yourself from the people who seek to deny you from it.

keeps worries away~

 

[WindWife]

colon bracket

adorkapple

Professor Cypress

Thank you all for the responses!
I figured I would update on this though since so much has happened since then.
I left her a final message and vanished.
About 3 days went by and my email decided to update and show me all her 100+ missed emails begging and pleading me to let her explain, and that it was all a "misunderstanding".
I came upon what appeared to be a suicide note from her and i ended up contacting her again.
Later, after the fact, I found out that she lied to me about the suicide note, which in my opinion was worse..
&&
Now I've ditched her completely but I told her I was leaving before I left and she's seemed to have given up for now.
However I expect a rebellion of sorts since it's only been a little while since I heard from her last. >.>

 

[colon bracket]

Her threats of suicide are further proof of her emotional manipulation. Suicide isn't a joke.  

[WindWife]

colon bracket

Her threats of suicide are further proof of her emotional manipulation. Suicide isn't a joke.

I fully agree.
Once I found out she was lying about it I was just ultimately done. :/ I don't understand why some people are like that.

 

[Professor Cypress]

It's definitely just pure emotional terrorism in one of its many forms. You definitely don't need her or that BS.