Prude Shaming

[Sea Thrift]

Let me start out by saying that I think slut shaming is abusive and wrong. Shaming someone for having an active sex life--whether that person has multiple, casual sex partners, is polyamorous, or is having sex out of wedlock--is presumptuous and could potentially affect the person being shamed in very hurtful, negative ways.

But I also think prude shaming is abusive and wrong, and while it happens pretty frequently, it doesn't get talked about enough, if at all. Just like it's someone's own business to have sex with whomever they want, it's also someone's own business if that person chooses not to have sex at all. But people are quick to judge and pressure, and it's usually all the same accusations and false logic:

You're a loser if you don't want to get laid. Did someone touch you when you were a kid or something? Are you gay? You clearly have never had good sex before if you don't want it. How can you not like what you've never had? Waiting for marriage? That's so stupid. There's something wrong with you if you don't want sex. Who doesn't?

So on and so forth. All these statements are prude shaming. No one should feel like they're less, or that they'll never be accepted, if they don't have sex. A lot of people have gone into situations where they had sex because they were pressured and humiliated by others, thus going into situations that cause harm to them, be it emotional, mental, physical, and of course, sexual.

Personally, I know how it feels to experience prude shaming. I was left feeling like something was wrong with me; the people that I cared about humiliated me so badly that they made me feel alone, stupid, and laughable, just because I didn't want to have casual sex. I knew that the only way to be accepted was to act like I wanted it, too. So I did, and the shaming ended. Needless to say, my first time was terrifying and damaging, and every time after that.

My point is this: people need to make the right choices for themselves, and humiliating someone for making a choice you don't like (choosing to or not to have sex), is harmful. Some people can walk away from it, but when you're young/vulnerable, humiliation strikes hard and painfully, and can cause some people to make decisions they wouldn't otherwise make if not shamed by their peers.

Now that I've come out to a few others about my sexuality, I'm yet again experiencing prude shaming because those people think everyone wants to have sex, seek it out, lest there's something wrong.

Has anyone ever experienced this before?  

[ahoy-dyke-o]

Never experienced it (probably because I don't do anything society considers "slutty") but I think slut shaming is very wrong. The only time you should be mad at someone for having sex is if it's unwanted (you should actually be more than mad if THAT happens) or if it's cheating involved. Those are my personal opinions.
I have been prude-shamed before though and it just makes me feel uncomfortable about myself. Am I that weird for just not being into having sex or a sexual relationship? Luckily, I am a very strong person when I decide on lifestyle choices such as sex, sexuality, etc. I'm perfectly okay with kissing and cuddling at the age and mentality I'm at now.
I loved reading this!  

[colon bracket]

I have never experienced prude shaming, but I have been slut shamed on numerous occasions. I agree, there is a bit of a double standard there. I blame the media.  

[Fuit Gummy]

s o a p n u t

I've been prude shamed. ._.
Half of the time they were 'joking', they never said it was a joke until I spoke
up. I've had 'friends' tell me there's something wrong me and I've had a lot of
relationships, romantic ones, end because I didn't choose to be sexual and
then they feel the need to cheat.

- It's my fault for not being satisfying
- I need to see a doctor because it's normal to want to have sex
- I'm "Broken and need to be thrown away"
- I "Look like a slut so why not lose my virginity"

Ect. Ect. Ect.

I won't lie, I'm not waiting for marriage, I've just never felt comfortable
in any sexual situation and I don't get turned on easily-- So, I'm a virgin.
Or as others would have it, I'm a little princess whose too good for it.

 

[Sea Thrift]

Brommiel

I'm sorry you've had to endure that. I've also had people accuse me of not wanting to have sex because they think I think I'm too good for it, when that's not how I feel at all.

Me not having sex isn't a matter of personal morals or principles, it's a matter of sexuality--I literally experience a total absence of sexual attraction for strangers and acquaintances. I can't help it, and I've always been that way. Porn doesn't even affect me, lol.

People can be so apathetic. I think most of us are broken, in one form or another, but humiliating people because they're broken is a lame and terrible excuse to make people feel like they're not worth the time and effort, they're not good enough, that it's all their fault they can't find love. Abusers use that kind of language to shame their victims, and there's never an excuse for that.

Broken people can find love, too. And be happy.  

[Sea Thrift]

colon bracket

I have never experienced prude shaming, but I have been slut shamed on numerous occasions. I agree, there is a bit of a double standard there. I blame the media.

I agree that media may have a lot to do with it, but I also think it's just certain people in general who feel like if you don't fit into their box of correct standards, then there is something wrong with you. It's lame.  

[Alyssa Moy]

I haven't exactly been prude shamed. But hey, this happened yesterday when I reblogged an "asexuality is a real orientation" post on tumblr, and this reaction seems to go hand-in-hand with prude shaming.

screencap of stupid anon

"An excuse...to slut shame" and "a little d**k will do you good". Incredible. |:  

[Sea Thrift]

Regina Infernus

I haven't exactly been prude shamed. But hey, this happened yesterday when I reblogged an "asexuality is a real orientation" post on tumblr, and this reaction seems to go hand-in-hand with prude shaming.

screencap of stupid anon

"An excuse...to slut shame" and "a little d**k will do you good". Incredible. |:

Science: trolls are angry people who—to appeal to their own egos—abuse others over the internet. Sad thing is, most trolls can't even control themselves, and they try to project their own ideas of their behaviors onto others. It's how their egos protect themselves.

But I digress. I'm always upset to hear when someone gets harassed. Some people just suck, but maybe they'll be better in the future. Hopefully. Some trolls learn to not be so awful.