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Jahoclave
Captain

PostPosted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 5:18 pm


[ Message temporarily off-line ]
PostPosted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 2:39 pm


This story is humorous, but a little odd. It lacks plot. With a dab of plot, with a little organized structure, it could be justifiable. But I can't comment on the humor; the humor is fine. But it needs some direction. It could be something as simple as "Bob decided to explore the outside world for potential dates," since he has such bad luck with E-harmony. But it would give us a line to follow, if you know what I mean.

Astarael--Banisher

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Works of Jahoclave

 
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